Crazed in Toyland

Last year Barney and Talking Buzz Lightyear, this year, Teletubbies: it truly is insane. Watch Big Arnie in the comedy video Jingle All the Way if you want to see adults at their most ridiculous, hunting the ungettable toy. And why? Because we, like Big Arnie, are overcome by the trust in tiny eyes. They believe in Santa, Santa can do all, and we just can't bear to see them disappointed.

Get a grip, say the parents who have sense. Do not be that demented parent, elbowing his or her way aggressively down Henry Street, in and out of toyshops stuffed with a cornucopia of toy choices, looking for the Christmas craze of '97.

The expense parents face is only half the story: the trouble many already harassed adults go to to get the brand-name toy their child wants is heroic, if misguided. If you have reached Christmas Eve feeling really poisonous about Santa, you will know that this has to stop.

While you're in that mood, fire off a letter to your MEP, or to Pat Rabbitte, who backs Euro-moves that could lead to a ban on TV advertising aimed at children, for this is truly where the trouble really starts.

However, since your own children will be struggling with CAO forms long before anyone takes action on this, you'll have to establish a family policy now on how to meet Santa demands.

Angela Canavan of Barnardo's has specific advice on how to do that (see page opposite). In the meantime, bear in mind that there is a huge selection of toys in shops all over the country and a wide range of prices for most kinds of products - dolls, teddies, bikes, trikes, construction toys and so on - so it should be possible to get good toys on various budgets.

Keep an open mind - a branded, heavily-advertised toy can certainly be a good-value toy (all the Barbie girls in their Barbie worlds are a good example), but not necessarily - and make sure the toy you buy has the CE mark, the European safety standard. Below is a random selection of toys that would make you long to be a child again.

No, it doesn't mention Teletubbies; yes, some shops will probably get consignments between now and Christmas, but is it really worth your while hunting one down? And did I mention Spice Girls (and their merchandise)?

Never!