Cop on to your self-esteem

TOO OFTEN children are told they are "stupid", "slow", "lazy", "average", "bright" "very intelligent" None of these labels is correct. Science has demonstrated that human beings only use one or two per cent of their brain cells and that they have limitless capabilities.

Parents, teachers and children tend to confuse knowledge with intelligence. Furthermore there is no undisputed evidence that assumed differences in intelligence are genetically determined. My own profession of psychology has done much to perpetuate that confusion by suggesting that so called intelligence tests measure intelligence. Intelligence tests only measure knowledge, and a limited range of knowledge at that. Indeed, research has shown that intelligence tests are very poor predictors of academic or career development.

There is also such a damaging bias in our culture which believes that the child who is good at English and mathematics and, nowadays, a wizard at computers, is the intelligent child. However, the child who shows genius in playing football is told "he's good with his feet" or the child who can take a mechanical instrument apart and put it all back together with some inventive additions is told he (or she) is good with his or her hands, or the child who is marvellous at drawing is told "she's artistic".

These children are never told that they are intelligent, but they are applying their intelligence to areas of knowledge that children who show high attainment in the so called academic subjects rarely countenance.

Other children can show their genius in humour, sports, history, farming, sensitivity, languages etc, depending where their interest and motivation lies, what is most encouraged in their families, what areas of knowledge parents them selves have achieved and whether it is safe or unsafe to fail in the family.

It is also essential that parents and teachers realise that children in a family will go in opposite ways in order to gain recognition for home and school activities that are different from their brothers or sisters.

I have worked with families where one child was regarded as a genius in school and the other was in a remedial class. However, when it came to sports and making friends the so called "remedial" child could run rings around the so called "clever" child.

Intelligence, I believe, is the limitless potential of the human being to adapt itself to the vagaries of the cultures to which it belongs. The most powerful culture is that of the family.

Every family is a unique culture, influenced but nevertheless separate, from the community, school and national cultures. It is remarkable how children employ their intelligence to adapt to the ideals and reduce the experiences of hurt and rejection within families and schools by being difficult, rebellious, passive, shy, compensating, avoiding, challenging, fearful, timid, hypersensitive and prone to psychosomatic illnesses. However, these strategies, which are immensely clever, are never seen as equal indicators of intelligence as is academic performance. The sad fact is that many children and adults use their intelligence and creativity in this world, not to be productive but to be protective.

Differences emerging between children in their first days at school have to do with knowledge and skills and not with intelligence.

Children come from different home and cultural back grounds. Some will have the benefit of having experienced one to one conversations with parents, of being read to frequently, of a stimulating home environment, of an emphasis on love of learning and so on. These children will show higher knowledge levels than children who have not had such experiences but the difference lies in experience not in capability.

It is essential, for each family member's total development that they are frequently reminded of their limitless capacity to learn and that mistakes and failures are treated simply as indicators of present knowledge and skill levels and as opportunities for further learning.

It is a sad reflection on our culture that only about two to 10 per cent of children and adults have any sense of their wondrous capability. What most of us experience is a deep lack of confidence and a belief that many challenges are beyond us.

The frequent affirmation within the family of each member's limitless capability gives a powerful boost to the process of individuation. Its absence can lead to avoidance of challenge, over anxiety, perfectionism, "playing it safe", rebelliousness or apathy. Any of these reactions slow down or completely retard the development of the independence and individuality of each family member.