Painted elephants, palaces in lakes, desert forts, brilliant colour, ancient cars and rickshaws, roaming cows, strange noises and exotic smells. This is India. A dazzling land of street theatre and courteous people; not for the fainthearted, but for those who love life. No other place gets under the skin in quite the same way and the variety will knock you sideways.
On a marathon 14-day tour you start off in the south, leave your jet-lag on Goa's golden beaches, then fly to Bombay for a glimpse of this busy commercial and industrial centre. Gandhi's house, Bombay's Colonial arch, the Gateway to India, teeming streets with ancient red double-decker buses and white flannelled cricketers in parks tell you something of long-ago links with Britain. Or, escape from the hubbub and take a short ferry ride across the harbour to see the 7th century caves on Elephanta Island where the monkeys give you a big welcome.
From Bombay, now called Mumbai, you are on your way north to the famous "Golden Triangle", which takes in Delhi, Jaipur, Agra; also Udaipur, the former capital. You'll never be the same again. The most worldweary becomes enchanted with the Taj Mahal at Agra, India's most famous sight and the world's most popular love shrine. Built by the Emperor Shah Jahan in memory of his wife Mumtaz Mahal, who died in childbirth after 17 years of marriage, the shrine is set in beautiful gardens with pools and fountains.
Not an experience to be rushed. You have to rise at dawn to watch the delicate marble change colour from purple-white to pink, then gold with the changing hour. This is its uniqueness.
Jaipur, the "pink city" (the traditional colour of welcome) is the gateway and capital of Rajasthan, considered the most regal and romantic to India. Colour varies wildly. Women wear saris of fiery reds, orange, yellow and emerald green, while Jaipur, smothered in pink paint, looks like a huge film-set. Wide boulevards lined with flowering oleander and jacaranda trees teem with people. The odd roaming cow makes its way to the fruit and veg store down the road; quite harmless, they're well used to people and enjoy a nuzzle or two.
Broad roads bring traffic pressure. Ancient cars with delirious drivers and rickshaws with "English speaks", on the side, converge wildly with hundreds of cyclists. Crossing the road is a challenge; easier on Sundays when it's mainly cows and cyclists.
Surrounded by a massive crenellated pink wall, the town is full of wedding-cake palaces and enchanting sights. Streets are crammed with pink shows and houses, where age-old crafts are still hand-made. The things to go for are precious and semi-precious stones, local blue pottery, carpets and fabrics. One of the city's landmarks is the Palace of Winds, on a main street where once the ladies of the court could watch the world go by through fine lace screens on balconies.
Opulence is everywhere at the City Palace which takes up a good deal of the town and time. Art collections, armoury and peacock-painted doors, concubines' rooms and two of the world's largest pieces of silver made into urns. These stand in the courtyard made for a former ruler to carry his drinking water to the coronation of Edward VII, so that he didn't have to touch any murky British stuff.
Amber, the ancient capital, with its palace and fort 10 miles off, is a dramatic complex of ochre ruins and temples on a hill in the clouds. Approach is on elephant back of jeep; I opted for the car ride. To relieve boredom, the ladies of Amber used to amuse themselves by watching elephants at play who'd been given a shot or two of alcohol.
Further on at Udaipur, a dream world awaits. A place of lakes and gardens, fairy-tale palaces, exotic maharajahs, spices and Princess's gardens. Built around Lake Pichola with views to sigh for, you could be forgiven for cancelling the rest of your itinerary here.
Tall, whitewashed houses give the town centre a medieval air with many upstairs and downstairs shops, selling good made-to-measure clothes. Here and there is a trendy touch: "Whoopsy's Hair Parlour", with a cow sitting near the entrance and a currency shop with a sign, "French Frank (sic) Changed Here." Five dream-like palaces surround the lake, mostly converted to hotels where you can live like a Royal for a few days, from around £40 a night.
Many of the Raj comforts are still on the menu like good English breakfasts and cream teas with scones. Old retainers do things in style and a touch of gracious living soothes the soul.
Built on rock foundations in the lake's centre is the dream Lake Palace Hotel, famous for the location of the James Bond film, Octopussy. Make time for wonderful sights here. Age-old temples at Chittor, the magnificent fort Kumbhalgarh with more than 20 miles of thick walls and the City Palace museum back in the town centre.
With its towers, cupolas and balconies, the Shib Niwas Palace is everyone's fantasy of an Indian palace: another world, out of time, a place of beauty and grace. Still lived in by the Maharana and his family, His Highness Arvind Singh Mewar, is the 76th generation of the world's oldest ruling dynasty. A philosophical-looking man with a fine beard, he takes deep interest in community affairs and cricket. "I used to hope I might play for India when I was younger," he says disarmingly, "but I wasn't good enough. That's life. I did play for Udaipur though". He also played for Lancashire during a spell in England in the 1960's.
Come sunset at Shiv Niwas a Scottish piper's band dressed in tartan plays all the old familiars, often accompanied by a display of splendid horses and ponies. Proud of his band, the Maharana says: "We all enjoy Scottish music. Our musicians can't read a note, they have all learned to play by ear and do it very well".
Old and New Delhi have a mass of things to see. In one day you can cover the Mughal monuments, the Red Fort and Jami Masjid, India's largest mosque; also as the capital of British India, see the grand parliamentary buildings, the architectural gems of the British.
Then, there's more manic shopping at Chandni Chowk, with a specialised street system for goods. It's a teeming, friendly ambush, and you'll regret it if you don't keep going. Bargains are irresistible. Unless your doctor tells you you have to give up shopping you'll be planning the next trip. India casts that sort of spell.