How to become the world's biggest DJ in 10 easy steps: one, change your Christian name from plain old Quentin Cook to the far more exotic Norman Cook. Two, join a snappy indie band from Hull called The Housemartins and enjoy a string of chirpy hits such as Happy Hour, Sheep and Me And The Farmer. Three, swap your bass guitar for turntables, form a loose dance collective called Beats International, and score a Number One hit with Dub Be Good To Me. Four, become a key mover and shaker in the Big Beat explosion, via the legendary Sunday Social at the Big Beat Boutique in Brighton. Five, hook up with Freak Power for their Top Ten hit, Tune In, Turn On, Cop Out.
Six, release such floor-friendly house tunes as Magic Carpet Ride under the moniker of The Mighty Dub Katz, and record a Big Beat album called Better Living Through Chemistry, using the paradoxical pseudonym of Fatboy Slim (left). Seven, start remixing records by Jean Jacques Perry and EVA, and tweaking Wildchild's Renegade Master and Cornershop's Brimful Of Asha into the Number One slot.
Eight, hit the Top Ten in your own right with Rockefella Skank, score again with Gangsta Trippin', then go completely stellar with Praise You, ensuring that the album, You've Come A Long Way Baby, goes all the way to the top. Nine, get engaged to radio and TV uberbabe, Zoe Ball, and stage a big "clash of the titans" event with Armand Van Helden.
Ten, bring a posse of musicians, rappers and DJs to Dublin's Point Theatre tonight for a show that's guaranteed to give 8,000 fans an absolutely ginormous judder.
