WRITE down that credit card hotline number and stick it on your fridge door - looks like you'll be needing it more than ever this year. The year promises a bumper crop of big gigs and they're selling so fast you'd think the entire population had nothing better to do than go see a band. The bishops may be complaining of a fall off in church attendances, but the booking agents are rubbing their relics in anticipation of a big flock of faithful to the rock `n' roll altar.
For a land of supposed saints and scholars, we can't seem to get enough of that "dumb, bad ass rock music and if advance sales are anything to go by, it looks like we're willing to put our dosh where the decibels are. Concert promoter MCD is set for its busiest year yet, and spokesman Justin Green says it's unusual for the company to have confirmed so many prestigious acts so early in the New Year. The list ranges from heavy metal acts like Anthrax and AC/DC through mainstream draws like Eternal and Simply Red, to "alternative" acts like Green Day and Oasis.
The other big promoter, Concerts South, is also preparing for a busy year. The company has already confirmed two major outdoor gigs for the summer, Bon Jovi and Tina Turner, and will shortly announce shows by Bruce Springsteen and Alanis Morisette.
"Tina Turner is the biggest surprise in a long time," says Peter Aiken of Concerts South. "She has already sold 16,000 tickets in advance - that's 50 per cent - which proves she's still as popular as ever. According to Aiken, Turner is the hottest outdoor ticket in Europe this summer, and she comes to Croke Park on June 28th.
There has been talk of bringing in "reformed" acts like Steely Dan and The Eagles, but these could not be confirmed.
Also, MCD could not say whether it will stage another big gig at Slane Castle, but Justin Green did say the company has plans for three outdoor events next summer, one of which is Feile 96.
So, now that the sound checks are over and the support acts have cleared the stage, let's get down to the main attraction: your cut out and keep guide to the next seven months of live music. We'd like to have left you with lots of blank space, so you can fill in the new concerts which are bound to be announced on a weekly basis, but you'll just have to use an extra foolscap sheet or two. Now excuse me, I have to rush off and call that hotline again - I've just heard that Grungebucket are going on tour.
. Anthrax, SFX, January 20th. Named after a nasty livestock disease, they have been around longer than a rotting sheep's carcass. If you like your metal thrashy and virulent, then pardon the pun - catch Anthrax.
. Crash Test Dummies, Whelans, January 23th to January 27th, 7.30 p.m. The man with the bassest voice in rock returns to Dublin with his Canadian knights who say "Mmmm". This series of five low key gigs is billed as "a live rehearsal" - wonder when the real gig is?
. Nick Heyward, Mean Fiddler, January 26th. Yes, the guy who used to be in Haircut 100. Has a new single out called Rollerblade still at the cutting edge I see.
. Echobelly, Olympia, Janaury 26th. Led by the divine Sonya Aurora Madan, this band has been labelled a girlie version of The Smiths, but have risen above their indie roots to become a serious pop contender.
. Iron Maiden, SFX, January. They've replaced the departed Bruce Dickinson with young gun Blaze Bayley, but they still sound like a plodding lump hammer. Only one possible response here: Run for the hills!
. Simply Red, Point, February 7th, 8th and 9th. Mick the Huckster is back to woo the ladies with his russet locks and righteous voice. Looks like he hasn't lost any of his sex appeal, although that shower scene in Remembering The First Time makes me cringe.
. Dr Feelgood, Olympia, February 16th. Without the late Lee Brilleaux? Without the long departed Wilko Johnson? No thanks.
. The Mike Flowers Pops, Olympia, February 17th. For those with an over developed sense of irony, this is le grand fromage, and I for one can't wait to snap my fingers along to cheesy listening versions of Venus As A boy, White Light/White Heat and of course, Wonderwall.
. Melissa Etheridge, Olympia, February 23rd. This hard rockin', uncompromisin' Grammy winnin' lesbian will bring some Stateside soul to the Dame Street venue.
. Mike & The Mechanics, Stadium March 2nd. Mike Rutherford's sideline project has proven very roadworthy, and will only pull in when Genesis do their next giant stadium jaunt.
. Donna Summer, Point, March 7th. The woman who inspired a million disco queens, including Ru Paul, makes her first appearance on these shores for, oh, donkey's years. Get ready to do some serious runway, darlings.
. Eternal, Point, March 13th. Every Girlzone wannabe in town will flock to this gig like lambs to the fold, and they'll all know the words to Oh Baby I . . .
. Scooter, Point, March lath. "Scootah in zee haus, ja!" The trivial Teutonic technoheads are back in Ireland, bringing us their uniquely intoned inanities "Peace auf bach to Chermany," as Basil Fawlty would say.
. Michael Bolton, Point, March 17th. Sorry, Michael, it's the hair, you see. I just can't handle the hair. Oh, and the weightlifter's build. And the voice.
And the music. But mostly the hair.
. Oasis, Point, March 22nd and 23rd. Sold out already, wouldn't you knew it? And so are the concerts.
. Meat Loaf, Millstreet, Cork, April 10th and Point, April 11th. Welcome To The Neighbourhood is not Bat Out Of Hell III, but it might as well be. Expect plenty of Indiana Jones style theatrics, with Meat playing both Harrison Ford and Sean Connery.
. Barry Manilow, Point, April 15th. The return of the Nose will be eagerly awaited by agonised aunties and ageing barflies every where. Not to mention the folk singing couple from Four Weddings And A Funeral.
. Green Day, Point, April 23th. The fake plastic punks from California are, coming here to gob all over Britpop. Prediction in 2012, the biggest band in the States, Oi! Copper! will sound exactly like Blur.
. k.d. lang, Point, May 2nd. She spells her name in lower case, but her voice reaches the highest peaks. In the hand of this ingenue, music becomes another country altogether.
. Smashing Pumpkins, Point, May 11th. Bullet With Butterfly Wings was Number One in Fanning's Fab 50 for 1995, so expect Corgan's Heroes to deliver a kick to indie butt.
. AC/DC, RDS Simmonscourt, June 26th. The Ballbreaker Tour hits Dublin like a hammer out of hell. Expect the usual schoolboy uniforms and silly caps, and the band won't be dressed too well either.
. Tina Turner, Croke Park, June 28th. With the success of the GoldenEye theme, written by Bono and The Edge, Ms Turner is enjoying high profile once again. And with the brand new stand in Croker, this gig is sure to beat an all Ireland final.
. Bon Jovi, RDS Showjumping Arena, July 13th. The Noo Joisey boys are back in town for another outdoor gig at the same venue they played last year. Deja vu, anyone?
. Grungebucket, Phoenix Park, April 1st. Fresh from their Anal Aneurysm tour, Seattle's most spectacular failures remain determined to flout local by laws and stage a concert in the Phoenix Park. "We heard the Pope pulled a big crowd there once, man," said addled vocalist Eddie Leather. "And that Jack Charleston guy did OK too, even though he was already on the way out."
