A situation Taylor-made for some witty DUP criticism

Every foe was lashed with the Democratic Unionist Party's particular brand of witty condemnation during the party's annual conference on Saturday.

There was an appeal from Ms Ann McCrea in the agriculture debate for housewives to buy local produce. There should be no produce and no beef from the Republic, which drew rousing applause as the top table sipped their sparkling Ballygowan. Yet Southern farmers could take comfort from the fact that the cheering was even louder when Ms McCrea said: "No beef from France."

For many, the true villain was the "great somersaulter of all somersaulters" as the party's chairman, Mr James McClure, described Mr John Taylor, who wouldn't touch the Belfast accord "with a 40-foot pole and then embraced the agreement".

The party's deputy leader, Mr Peter Robinson, said Mr Taylor was part of the Assembly circus and the most talented tightrope-walker in the world.

"Just back from an appearance in Iran - Ayatollah Taylor.

"With his 40-foot barge pole he steps out on to the rope. He doesn't know whether to come on or to go back.

"If he goes forward, he might get a top cabinet place but he would lose his Westminster seat. If he goes back, he might or might not just save his Westminster seat but would not get his ministerial prize."

Mr Sammy Wilson preferred the image of Mr Taylor as the "Lord Lucan" of the Ulster Unionist Party. He had disappeared and they sought his opinion but he was nowhere to be found.

Mr Wilson was most interested in the political love affair between Gerry and David and in the menu at dinner when they were hand in hand for the "dirty deal weekend". For the unionists it was "Orange duck the issue" or "Supreme chicken out" while the republicans favoured "Battered chicken legs".

During lunch, as the party's senior members ate in a mezzanine area above the other diners, a video screen broadcast the BBC's live coverage from the Waterfront Hall.

A brief silence ensued as the verdict was read out and then everyone continued with their meal as if nothing had happened.

Dr Paisley said delegates knew that "every hand raised for Trimble is a vote of shame" and the Ulster Unionist leader was as much an enemy as the IRA.

"No wonder he ran away from the Ulster Hall. Someone said he ran nearer to the water for he thought he might have to swim for it."