CYBER SORTER:This week our social media agony aunt tackles friendship and how to avoid the schoolyard mentality on Twitter
Dear Cyber Sorter,
I have been going out with my boyfriend for a few months and we have exchanged e-mails via Facebook, but he never invited me to be his friend and I haven’t invited him either.
He is friends with his co-workers on Facebook and does not want to make our relationship public.
Should I invite him to be my friend on Facebook or leave things the way they are? Please help.
A
Dear A,
While it might be a bit much for you both to update your relationship status, Facebook friendship by itself would not denote to his colleagues that he was in a romantic relationship with you.
Since most of Ireland’s 1,707,720 Facebook users think nothing of accepting and sending friendship requests from and to almost complete strangers, your case is perplexing.
It might be worth examining his behaviour in other areas of life. Do you always go back to your place? Have you met any of his colleagues, friends or family? A relationship of a few months should yield some connection to his everyday life.
Send him a friendship request today and if he doesn’t accept, then ask yourself the following:
1)Why doesnt he want his colleagues and other Facebook friends to know he knows you?
2)Does he have trust issues or should you have them with him?
Facebook friendship is not a big deal unless he has a specific reason for concealing you from his network of friends, family and colleagues.
Dear Cyber Sorter,
I hate Follow Friday on Twitter. The #ff tag menaces me all day every Friday as I wait to see if anyone will recommend me to others.
I agonise over who I should #ff and spend hours trying to get the balance right and worrying about offending people I’ve left out, or sucking up too much to people I’ve put in.
I know it’s a silly small thing but I genuinely worry about being rude and being ignored.
JP S
Dear JP S,
Follow Friday turns the cool medium of ultra-modern communication tool Twitter into a geeky, cliquey and clunky social conundrum of schoolyard psychology.
Imagine everyone at a party having to say who they like most in the room. It’s a nightmare.
Try doing only one #ff each week. Select a different Twitter friend for a good reason each Friday. This reduces the “My best friends this week are . . .” announcements and might be more useful to your followers.
You can avoid it altogether but you should thank others for #ffs and re-tweets. Unlike the schoolyard, you can mould your Twitter feed into reflecting what you want out of life.
If some tweets are making you feel uncomfortable, then stop following them.
Along with drinking alcohol, having sex and buying sweets, having autonomy over your online social life is a grown-up perk to enjoy mastering.