Despite its comfort, the Jeep Commander - the SUV's SUV - gave Paddy Comyna shock to the system, with its sheer size and power
You would have to wonder just what historians of the future would make of our choices of cars at the start of the 21st century. Will our children's children be told in schools about how, despite glaringly obvious assertions from the experts at the time, we munched away at the fossil fuels of the earth, leaving it like a gnawed apple butt, with nothing for a starved generation to come?
And that, given the choice, we had decided to drive cars that were bigger than they needed to be, thirstier than they needed to be and heavier than they needed to be.
I felt guilty, briefly, driving the Jeep Commander after only last month pulling up outside Green Machines to drive the Reva Classe, the Indian-built electric car that so terrified me.
That particular car reminded me that we have a long way to go before a truly clean car is a viable alternative. But, also, that we are genetically coded to want to feel protected. We reported this month that SUV sales in Ireland are up almost 30 per cent on last year, despite indications that there may be something of a witch-hunt against the genre in the near future, once CO2 emissions become an element of VRT taxation.
By their very size and weight, many of these vehicles are more harmful to the environment than others, yet many owners see them as a status symbol and, in a dog-eat-dog world, they want to surround their families with the most metal possible.
Anyone seeking to do just that would do well, then, to take a look at the Jeep Commander.
If you are confused about the Jeep range, take heart. I didn't know what to expect when I went to collect the Commander. The fact that they call their range Compass, Cherokee and Commander doesn't really serve to differentiate much. But you are quickly left in no doubt just what the Commander is. It is enormous.
Looking as if it was designed by an eight-year-old high on red lemonade and armed with a ruler, the Commander is a bizarre-looking retro machine that sticks a defiant two fingers up to the notion of aerodynamics, curves and climate change.
This is the Jeep, apparently, that is giving potential owners what they want. While the Grand Cherokee, the company's flagship SUV, has got all curvaceous and cosy-looking, the Jeep faithful wanted something sledgehammer-like that could carry seven people and without any of your fancy stuff, thanks very much.
The vast dimensions of the Commander are twinned with faux exposed bolts in the bodywork and dashboard which look plain silly and contrived, and might only be appreciated by those people who enjoy line-dancing in pubs in the midlands.
Based heavily on the Grand Cherokee, with which it shares the same underpinnings, including the same 4x4 systems, suspensions and diesel engine, it is 50mm longer and 80mm taller, allowing for a third row of seats and more headroom. Even then, it still doesn't seem as if it was long enough to take a third row of seats.
The Commander has "theatre-style" seating, and the second-row seats fold down and tumble forward to allow passengers entry or exit from the third row on either side. All three second-row seatbacks can be folded on to the cushions to form a flat-load area. Sadly, both the second and third row of seats is cramped unless they are used for kids, and if the third row of seats is up, you won't get much luggage along either. However, if you fold the third row of seats this changes, as there is a vast 1027-litres of space available.
The quality of the cabin is not bad, but it is also not great for €65,995, with some elements feeling a little flimsy and downgrade. But having said that, the equipment list is extensive and comprehensive. You get everything from leather upholstery to climate control and a tyre pressure monitoring system. And in terms of safety, ESP features as standard - handy when you are piloting such a huge vehicle.
Once you get over the initial shock of driving the thing in traffic, which feels like you are trying to carry a wardrobe through an intensive care ward, there are some positives to the Commander. It is comfortable for a start. And that diesel engine is deceptively quick, pulling this truck to 100km/h in 9 seconds. The handling is not bad either.
When you realise that the steering is a little slow-witted, it dawns that it does go, roughly, where you put it and that it really is not half bad. The suspension and steering have been tuned to European tastes, but it is still prone to pitch and wobble a little through the bends, but it is nothing too dramatic or frightening.
The automatic gearbox twinned with this engine make for relaxed commuting. We racked up a lot of miles in our week with the Commander and couldn't fault it as a cross-country car. And it is tough, too, and very useful off-road. While it is always a little foolhardy to try any off-roading on your own, our brief foray on to a local beach was child's play for the Commander's Quadra-Drive II four-wheel drive system.
It uses selectable low-range gears and front and rear locking differential, but the default 48:52 per cent split will cope with most jobs. With its high ground clearance and protective skid-plates under the body, it can wade through half a metre of water, too.
APART FROM THE ONE I was driving, I haven't really seen too many Commanders on the road, and I suppose there are a few reasons for this. For a start, it is a seven-seater that really isn't that spacious, so it kind of defeats the purpose. And secondly, parking it requires Vaseline and nerves of steel in town. For the first time in my life, I was wishing for a "lock hard" to show up with his fake security guard hat.
When you are spending this sort of money on an SUV, the rivals don't do the Commander any favours at all. If seven seats are your thing, then you are going to be hard-pressed to pass the Land Rover Discovery, which feels infinitely more refined, and offers a proper third row of seats and, even if you are after the utilitarian look, Nissan's Pathfinder with all the bells and whistles, will come in significantly cheaper. Toyota's Land Cruiser can be had with eight seats and an automatic transmission for under €70,000 and you just know that it will outlive you, however disconcerting that may be.
You could also get into the excellent Volvo XC90 for not much more than the Commander, and it offers the assurance of very strong residuals, something which would not be so likely with this Jeep, if their used value is anything to go by.
And if you don't need the seven seats, then Jeep's own Grand Cherokee is a better buy, as it is more comfortable and has a more upmarket look and feel.
Despite its obvious drawbacks, I couldn't help but find myself with something of a soft spot for the Commander. It is a great, big, lumbering, clumsy but lovable monster, and it has the sort of Tonka truck quality that tickles the same hyperactive eight-year-old child in all of us.
And while the same frowning environmental historians look back on us in the future and curse us for driving such beasts, they will also do so with a tinge of jealousy. Every kid wants to drive a digger, tractor or lorry at some point and this is the closest you can get to it with airbags and seven seats. Sure, there are better ways to spend your €65,995, but for a small number of people, this will be just their "rootin'-tootin'-hootin'-hollerin' " cup of tea.
Factfile
ENGINE: 2,987cc six-cylinder common rail diesel engine putting out 215bhp @ 4,000rpm and 510Nm of torque @1,600rpm. Five-speed auto transmission
SPECIFICATION: Standard features include 17" alloy wheels, air conditioning with dual zone climate control, dual, side and curtain airbags, remote keyless entry with alarm and immobiliser, height adjustable steering column, four-channel ABS, Electronic Stability Programme (ESP), Tyre Pressure Monitoring System, cruise control, power windows front and rear, Premium Boston Acoustic Speaker System with single CD Radio, leather trimmed seats, heated front seats, electrically adjustable seats with memory, trip computer with compass, fuel consumption and mileage to empty instrument, front and rear parking assist.
L/100KM (MPG)
Urban: 13.5 (20.9)
Extra-urban: 9.2 (30.7)
Combined: 10.8 (26.1)
CO2 emissions: 284 g/km
Annual road tax: €1,109
PRICE: €65,995