Ten tips to help you make the most of your maternity leave
CONTRARY TO what some male employers might think, the only similarity between maternity leave and holidays is that, looking back, you remember the good days and forget the bad ones.
For women having their first baby, the initial weeks and months are a time of huge transition. On the arrival of subsequent babies, there is the challenge of keeping a bigger family show on the road.
Ireland is well down the European league for maternity leave, with mothers entitled to 26 weeks’ paid leave (topped up to your usual salary if you work for a good employer) plus 16 weeks’ unpaid.
However, pity the sisters in the US where there is no statutory paid maternity leave (although three states have legislated for it) and mothers are entitled to only 12 weeks off, unpaid – provided they work for a company with more than 50 employees.
Here are 10 ways to make the most of this finite period of time at home full-time with your baby:
1 REST:From day one, which must be at least two weeks before your baby's due date, make this a priority. Stifle those nesting instincts and put your feet up – there are exhausting times ahead.
After the birth, it is amazing how women struggle with the idea of resting, says midwife and breastfeeding consultant Clare Boyle. “Culturally they feel under pressure to get back to normal and they are not getting back to normal – it is a new normal.”
In the first couple of weeks, her advice is to let people in the door “only if they are going to bring food or take away laundry”.
Midwife Sally Donlon, who runs Bump, Birth and Beyond, says mothers should take as much help as they can get. “We have high expectations of perfection. Lower your standards – and then lower them again”.
Don’t feel guilty about sitting around – breastfeeding mothers have to rest and eat well if they are going to be able to maintain a good milk supply.
Most babies won’t get into a routine until at least six weeks, she points out, “and very often it is the guts of three months before they are in any sort of routine”.
Her tip for warding off unwanted visitors is to leave your dressing gown at the bottom of the stairs and pull it on before you answer the door, to look as if you have just got out of bed.
2 BOND WITH YOUR BABY:Bonding is a process of non-verbal, emotional communication between mother and baby that allows the infant to feel secure and is vital for development. It's a myth that babies can be "spoiled" by too much cuddling and attention.
That bond will be deepened through touch, eye contact and the sound of your voice, so lots of cuddling, especially skin-to-skin, talking and singing are in order from the moment the baby is born.
Infant massage, which has many proven benefits, enhances bonding. Once your baby is at least four weeks old, you can enrol for a class.
A course usually lasts four to six weeks and costs €100-€200. All the major health insurance providers have plans under which up to €100 for this will be refunded, provided it is done with a certified instructor. See the county-by-county guide on babymassage ireland.comto find one near you.
3 MEET OTHER PARENTS:It might be six weeks after the birth before you feel like attending a local parent and baby group. It is highly recommended as a way of getting out of the house and meeting people who are equally obsessed with discussing all things baby.
Sue Jameson of Cuidiú, the Irish Childbirth Trust, suggests you find the nearest parent and baby group and/or breastfeeding support group before the birth and drop in “to get a flavour and see if it is your scene”.
“It just transforms your whole early motherhood experience,” says Boyle, who runs a monthly mother and baby group in the Lemon Leaf Cafe in Kinsale, Co Cork. “It is really about them connecting and getting phone numbers and, hopefully, they will be meeting in the interim and getting to know each other.”
Specific parent-and-baby activities are also a great way of socialising, examples of which are mentioned below.
4 EXERCISE:Once you have had the all-clear at your six-week check-up, a return to gentle exercise is recommended. (Leave it until eight to 10 weeks after a Caesarean section.)
Going walking with the pushchair, or while “wearing” your baby in a sling or carrier, is the easiest option. Build up the distance slowly – you don’t want to collapse in an exhausted heap miles from home.
Signing up for a group exercise class, where you can bring the baby too, is another excellent way to start to reclaim your body and socialise with other new mums.
Niamh O’Ceallaigh of Yummy Mummies runs twice-weekly get-fit classes for women with babies in buggies – in Dublin’s Phoenix Park and Shangannagh Park, Shankill. Each class is an hour’s full-body workout, catering for all fitness levels.
On maternity leave herself just now, O’Ceallaigh plans to resume the classes in June – with a double buggy in tow.
Mother and baby yoga is increasingly popular and you should be able to find a class near you (search yoga- ireland.com/classes). You have until your baby starts to crawl to try this. Courses are typically four weeks long.
Jan Duffy, who teaches mother and baby yoga twice a week at the Sunrise Yoga Studios in Dún Laoghaire, Co Dublin, says the focus for the mothers is on the lower back after birth, stretching for shoulders because they do a lot of feeding and holding, and a bit of belly toning.
For the babies, it is about touch and bonding, as well as enjoying being with their mothers while they are relaxed. There is plenty of singing and conversation to engage them – “you certainly would not be doing ‘head, shoulders, knees and toes’ in a regular yoga class”.
If you are able to leave your baby at home, you might get a more physically satisfying experience at a mothers-only, post-natal yoga class, suggests Lou Horgan. She teaches at the Ranelagh centre of Yoga Dublin Studios, which also offers mother and baby classes there and in Dundrum.
With “meet and greet” preludes to these classes, the opportunity for women “to vent and talk about sleep deprivation is just as valid as strengthening their pelvic floor muscles”, she adds.
There is a strong sense of community at The Elbow Room in Stoneybatter, Dublin, where there are not only mother and baby yoga classes but also other fitness sessions, such as zumba or pilates, during which your baby is entertained by a minder at the back of the room.
Physiotherapist Deborah Fernandes of Body Elements uses clinical pilates in the mother and baby physiolates classes that she runs in Sandyford and Malahide, Co Dublin, and Greystones, Co Wicklow. The emphasis is on posture, the pelvic floor and core strengthening.
5 TEACH YOUR BABY TO SWIM:Infants have a reflex ability to hold their breath underwater and you can capitalise on this by introducing them to the water in the early weeks of their lives – as soon as you are ready. Babies do not need to have completed their immunisations before going into a pool.
It is about teaching them to enjoy the water and be “water safe”, rather than conventional swimming, which they won’t be ready for until the age of three. Adult and baby classes are available at pools all around the State; try Water Babies or Aqua Babies Ireland.
6 PLAY 'BABY THE MUSICAL':Foster babies' natural love of music by incorporating plenty of it into their early months with singing and rhythmic play.
Music and movement classes will give you ideas for what you can do at home as well as being an enjoyable social outing.
The Elbow Room offers Baby Jam for pre-crawlers. “We use music, colours, rhythm and language,” says its founder, Lisa Wilkinson. “It is all about tuning in to whatever their developmental milestones are.”
Gymboree Play and Music tutors (see playandmusic.ie) offer a Play and Learn programme for babies up to the age of six months and level one music classes for six to 16 months.
Other options include: Jo Jingles, which has four franchises in the Republic; Baby PlayLab (six weeks to crawling) run by ClapHandies in venues across Dublin; Wriggletto’s Music Together for infants in Cork; and Kindergym in Limerick.
7 BE A CULTURE VULTURE:The National Gallery in Dublin runs a guided tour for new parents on the third Wednesday of each month, starting at 2pm.
It is short and sweet – just half an hour along a route suitable for prams/buggies – but maybe you will meet somebody that you can go for coffee with in the cafe afterwards.
Participants in the “Babies on Board” free guided tours at the Decorative Arts and History Museum in Collins Barracks are positively encouraged, with the offer of special discounts to retire to the cafe there. These tours run on the last Thursday of each month, 11.30am-12.15pm.
A night at the cinema may be a thing of the past but you can catch up with new releases in various cinemas that offer dedicated parent and baby viewings during the day, where nobody is going to mind the sound of your baby slurping or whimpering.
Check out “Newbies” at UCI cinemas, “Reel Parents” at Movies@Dundrum or Movies@Swords, and “Baby Boom” at the IMI cinema in Dún Laoghaire.
8 LEARN SOMETHING RELEVANT:Baby signing – a system of pre-verbal communication to help lessen a tot's frustration – is a relatively recent phenomenon.
It was inspired by US sign language interpreter Dr Joseph Garcia, who observed in the 1980s that hearing children of deaf parents started communicating with sign language at an earlier age than other children did with spoken language.
He concluded that babies who are exposed to signs regularly and consistently at six to seven months of age can begin using signs effectively by the eighth or ninth month.
There are classes run by Tiny Talk in Dublin, Kildare and Galway; by Super Hands in Dublin and Clare, and by Baby Signs in south Dublin, through baby village.ie.
Learning the rudiments of paediatric first aid could prove to be a life- saver. Most of the courses are one-day workshops and you will have to leave your baby at home.
Providers include the Irish Red Cross, ClapHandies and First Aid for Everyone, or use tots2teens.ieto find classes in Dublin, Cork, Carlow or Kilkenny.
9 SORT OUT CHILDCARE:Choosing childcare is a separate article in itself but give yourself plenty of time to look at what is available. Several weeks before going back to work, start getting your baby accustomed to being with whoever is going to be minding him or her, without you around.
10 EASE YOUR RETURN TO WORK:Don't spoil your leave by worrying about how you and your baby are going to cope when you go back. But it is a good idea to prepare in the final weeks, including phasing in childcare as mentioned above.
If you intend to continue breastfeeding, you will need time to familiarise the baby with taking expressed milk from a bottle or sippy cup.
Be aware that your right to take breaks at work for breastfeeding or expressing lapses six months after the birth – just when many women are returning.
Depending on your relationship with your employer and colleagues, you may have kept in touch.
While an employer cannot demand that you go into the office ahead of your return date, “an agreed reintegration process could be mutually beneficial”, suggests ICTU equality officer David Joyce.
If you enjoy your work, chances are the return will not be as difficult as you fear. If you are having serious second thoughts about going back, “do the sums” is Jameson’s advice.
“Make sure there is financial gain to be missing for all those hours – taking everything into account like creche fees, travel fees, lunch.” A reduced working week may be negotiable.
But you won’t really know how you feel until you go back, she points out. “Some mothers sail back and love it, others cringe every morning.”
FATHERS: 'DON'T GET SIDETRACKED INTO DOING HOUSEWORK'
Irish fathers can only look at mothers with envy when it comes to paid leave from work after a baby is born.
Ireland is one of the few Western countries to have no statutory paternity leave, paid or unpaid, although some employers offer a few days.
Fathers should use any precious time they have in those first weeks to support the mother and be actively involved with the baby – “tummy time on the chest, singing, bathing, changing”, says Sue Jameson of Cuidiú. And take the baby for walks to give the mother a break.
“Don’t get sidetracked into doing housework,” she adds. “It will still be there when your baby is running around the place.”
