A DAD'S LIFE:'DAD, AM I fat? Is this fat?" The elder is sprawled on her bed pinching the skin on her side. She is a whippet, at 10 has a body you can barely remember as an adult.
All skin, bone, muscle and sinew. Even the way she contorts to attempt to grip some excess flesh reminds me of the ease of movement kids have. She doesn’t know what stiffness is. She’s just gorged through Christmas and wouldn’t know the meaning of carrying a few extra pounds.
Yet. But somehow that knowledge is in the post, and here she lies, grappling for flab that isn’t there. Weight and body image are entering her frame of reference.
It would be naive to assume it hasn’t been there for a while, but on a less personal level.
“Fat” as an insult is on kids’ lips from an early age, bandied around among them all, aimed at those who are genetically pre-disposed to carrying weight. Kids are cruel and they don’t take prisoners. This has been the case for all of time, any difference marks you out in the arena that is childhood and how you cope with what is thrown at you by your peers outlines the person you will become.
What seems different now, from when I was growing up anyway, is that weight issues, in both directions, have increased based on lifestyle choices and the promotion of a “perfect body” ethic through most streams of media. I have a guilty pleasure; the digestion of gossip mags in doctor and dentist’s waiting rooms, but due to their incessant reliance on the “exposé” of celebs who have run to fat, I don’t allow them in the house. I do not want my kids, my girls (and the gender difference is important here), exposed to the assertion that gaining weight is symptomatic of being weak, disgraceful in some way.
But it’s obvious I can’t shield them from that belief. They pick it up on TV, through music, from their friends. Despite myself, they pick it up from me. I exercise a lot and one of the reasons is pure vanity. There are others, but they know I like to take care of myself.
Obviously this has a good effect too. They see active participation in sport as a natural pastime through to adulthood, but they also, through adults’ constant talk about food and weight, see it as as a way of keeping the dreaded pork at bay.
I grew up surrounded by girls and that fortunate position has continued into adult life. The downside is being exposed to the constant worry and stress, from a ridiculously early age, that weight brings. As a result, now, as parents we face the daunting task of developing healthy eating habits in our children without imbuing in them a sense of fear in food.
Eating should be a joy, trying new foods should be something to look forward to. Instead kids enter adolescence, when their bodies accelerate and they feel most self conscious, and surge towards the fat-laden deli counters of convenience stores. Driven there by a craving for salt and sugar and a desire to mingle with their pals in the shared appreciation of a wedge baguette.
As a father of girls I feel utterly unprepared for the inevitable battle with their bellies they will face. I’m fortunately logical in my food outlook. I know that to lose weight I have to burn more than I consume, and I also know that it’s much easier to go the other way. I can encourage my girls to eat certain things and take part in as many activities as possible in the hope that these habits will stay with them. What seems impossible however, is stopping them experiencing some sort of undeserved and unnecessary embarrassment, shame even, at whatever shape their bodies take as they grow into women. That terrifies me.
As with all things kids related, you can only be practical and supportive. The temptation, for me anyway, is often based on convenience and to throw ready-made meals at them but the missus puts the effort in and we reap the benefits.
So, we feed them well, run them hard and do our best to make them feel good about themselves. They will grow and face their difficulties and lay the blame at our door; it’s the way the world spins. No problem there. My only hope is that, weighty or not, their path is as smooth as possible.