DON McLAVE AND WIL MATTHEWS were married in Belfast on April 17th by Ms Vivien Fullerton, Registrar. The civil partnership ceremony was held in the Adelaide Exchange, as Belfast City Hall is being renovated.
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart), by e.e. cummings, was read by Don's mother, while Wil's mother carried their rings. The pair celebrated with friends and family at the Malmaison Hotel in Victoria Street, afterwards, and returned to Dublin the following day for another party at the Castleknock Hotel and Country Club.
Wil grew up in Cabra, and is the youngest of three boys raised by their mother, Nuala Matthews. His father died 27 years ago. He attended St Vincent’s Christian Brothers School in Glasnevin and went straight to work afterwards at a variety of jobs, from the civil service to hair styling. His brother Les acted as his best man.
Don grew up in Drumcondra with four younger brothers, Andrew, Trevor, Shane and Philip. He attended Scoile Mobhi in Glasnevin and Coláiste Mhuire in Parnell Square. He has worked in film and television production – he provides technical support for movieextras.ie – and is now an IT consultant for Apple Mac.
The pair met online, not knowing that they lived within a six-minute walk of one another. They got on instantly, and that was six years ago last November. They decided to marry while they were at a reception to mark the publication of Our Lives Out Loud: In Pursuit of Justice and Equality, the book by Ann Louise Gilligan and Katherine Zappone which documents, among their many achievements, their High Court bid to have their Canadian marriage recognised in Ireland.
“Partnership legislation is coming here but it is coming slow,” says Don. “We’re limping toward civil partnerships here but what people really want is full and equal civil marriage. While it’s definitely coming, we wanted to get on with our lives in the meantime. We couldn’t wait around for the politicians.
“We looked forward to this day – everything about it was really positive. We wanted to affirm how we feel about each other and be visible. Visibility is important. We read Katherine’s book and we wanted to celebrate how we feel and share it with others.”
Their ceremony was “perfect”. They went to Belfast for the first time last December to lodge their request and documentation. They got the last appointment on a Friday afternoon, which suited them perfectly. Two of their brothers acted as witnesses. The registrar hugged them afterwards and the taxi driver who drove them to Malmaison refused to take a fare. They were then followed around by their friends Harry Weir and Daniel Murray, like paparazzi for the day.
More speeches and high emotion prevailed in Castleknock, where the dancing kicked off with k.d. lang's The Air that I Breathe. "We wanted the tone to be informal, intimate and comfortable, - there was no dress code. We had a great mix of people at the party and it was small enough for everyone to meet one another. It was a happy, emotional occasion – there were no negatives. Everyone told us they had an amazing time. Everyone should have the opportunity to have a day like this," says Don, adding " and to have it in their own country."
They are planning a trip to Carcassonne in May and meanwhile it’s back to work and “chilling out after the whirlygig”.