TV guide: 12 of the best new shows to watch this week

Junior Eurovision 2022

Sunday, TG4, 8.30pm

Ireland crashed out of this year’s Eurovision without even making it to the final. We might have a better chance in the Junior Eurovision, as a bunch of talented kids aged nine to 14 compete for the chance to represent Ireland at this year’s event, in Armenia. The judging panel is joined each week by a star guest, among them Niamh Kavanagh, Linda Martin, Paul Harrington and Brian Kennedy — but it’s the viewers who’ll choose who goes through to the big contest.

Bloodlands

Sunday, BBC One, 9pm

James Nesbitt is back as hard-boiled detective Tom Brannick in the second series of this cop drama set in Northern Ireland. Viewers have probably had enough time to pick their jaws up from the livingroom floor after the stunning twist in the season-one finale, when the identity of Goliath, the assassin, was revealed. So what will Goliath’s next move be? When the body of an accountant washes up on the shores of Strangford Lough, Brannick and his partner, Niamh McGovern (Charlene McKenna), are assigned to the case, but there’s missing gold involved, and Brannick had better find it fast. Victoria Smurfit joins the cast as the dead accountant’s wife, Olivia Foyle.

Crossfire

Monday BBC One, 9pm

Keeley Hawes is the star of the BBC’s new three-part thriller. She excelled in Line of Duty and The Midwich Cuckoos; here she stars as an ordinary woman, on holiday with friends and family in the Canary Islands, who must fight for her and her family’s survival when gunmen take over the resort where they are staying. Jo is sunbathing on her balcony when she hears shots ring out, and suddenly the sunny idyll is turned into a hellhole, as holidaymakers try to flee their heavily armed attackers. Parts two and three follow on Tuesday and Wednesday

Mastermind

Monday, BBC Two, 7.30pm

The classic quizshow is celebrating its 50th year grilling contestants in the hot seat; Clive Myrie is the relatively new guy in the quizmaster’s seat previously occupied by Magnus Magnusson, Jon Snow, Clive Anderson and John Humphrys. Once again, contestants sit in the black chair under a very intimidating spotlight and answer questions on such specialist subjects as Goya, Peaky Blinders and Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe novels. My specialist subject? Prog rock 1970-74. Bring it on.

How Long Will You Live?

Tuesday, RTÉ One, 8.30pm

It’s a question few of us want to think about, as it involves facing the reality that we’re not going to live forever. Dr Phil Kieran would like to help us live longer, feel healthier and be happier, so this series is all about looking honestly at ourselves and asking if our lifestyle isn’t steering us towards an early grave. In the first episode, he meets Carrie Roberts from Waterford, who has just turned 40 and wants to turn her life around.

Cunk on Earth

Tuesday, BBC Two, 10pm

Move aside David Attenborough: the phenomenon that is Philomena Cunk is back, and this time she’s out to tell the story of our planet, from virtually nothing to virtual reality, in this new mockumentary series produced by Charlie Brooker and starring Diane Morgan. Like the love child of Alan Partridge and Ali G, Cunk will explore the history of human civilisation, interviewing experts and academics, most of whom have no idea who they’re dealing with.

The Handmaid’s Tale

Wednesday, RTÉ2, 10.35pm

Are you ready for yet another visit to Gilead? The dystopian series, based on the novel by Margaret Atwood, has taken a life of its own, but reviews of the fourth season suggested that this extended tale was starting to go stale. June (Elizabeth Moss) faces serious repercussions after the killing of Commander Waterford, and Gilead is spreading its tentacles into Canada. Can June hold back the totalitarian tide and reunite with her daughter, Hannah, while holding the waning attention of viewers?

Designing Miami

From Wednesday, Netflix

Florida’s blingiest city is the setting for Netflix’s latest home-design show, centred around the designer power couple Eilyn and Ray Jimenez, who enjoy not only a happy marriage but also a healthy rivalry, as they compete with each other to impose their opposing aesthetic on some of Miami’s most fab cribs. Eilyn is the minimalist in the marriage, who likes to keep everything clean and uncluttered. Ray is the OTT type, whose motto is more is more. Whose ideas will impress the client? With all that money sloshing around south Florida, everyone’s a winner.

John & Joe Bishop: Life After Deaf

Thursday, ITV, 9pm

The comedian John Bishop teams up with his eldest son, Joe, to venture far outside John’s comedic comfort zone and perform a show for a deaf audience. Joe has an autoimmune condition that causes progressive deafness, and the Bishop family have to reconcile themselves to the reality of living with their son’s hearing loss. John and Joe will meet people from the deaf community, and John will join a line-up of deaf comedians and do a stand-up comedy routine entirely in sign language. (The show will be broadcast at 10.45pm.)

The Kardashians

From Thursday, Disney+

The United States’ most glamorous and Insta-friendly dynasty is back. In case you haven’t been keeping up, they’ve dropped the “Keeping Up with” tag and renamed the show simply The Kardashians. If you think it’s all just sitting around getting their nails polished and their bottoms botoxed, think again — so much goes on in the lives of Kim, Kris, Kourtney, Khloé, Kendall and Kylie that you’ll need a spreadsheet to keep up with the twists, turns and twirls of this family.

Culture Night: Live at Lough Boora

Friday, RTÉ One, 7pm

Culture Night 2022 gets into full swing this evening. RTÉ will be taking part in the celebrations with this hour-long broadcast from Lough Boora, in Co Offaly. The RTÉ Concert Orchestra and a line-up of guest artists will perform the show at an abandoned former Bord na Móna shed on the edge of the bog, in front of an audience of discerning locals. The programme will also tune in to some of the many Culture Night events happening around the country.

Ghosts

Friday, BBC One, 8.30pm

The spectral sitcom is back for a fourth series — looks as if this show is going to haunt the TV schedules for some time to come. Ghosts follow the fortunes of a young couple, Mike and Alison, who have inherited a crumbling country mansion only to discover that it’s haunted by a bunch of needy spirits, including a dead romantic poet, a beheaded Tudor nobleman, a caveman and a Tory MP who died with his trousers off. In the new series, Mike and Alison open their new bijou B&B. Will they get a glowing review or just an eerie glow?