It's 4 p.m., the children need to be collected from school, the dog has just had puppies in the front room, the cooker is belching angry clouds of smoke - things are not looking good. What turns things from bad to horrific is the fact that in three hours, 200 guests will arrive at the door expecting to be wined and dined.
It's the stuff of nightmares, but it has happened in some small way to most people. Private parties have become increasingly complex affairs. A few balloons and cocktail sausages for 150 just won't do any more, and trying to organise anything more elaborate while holding down a full-time job is little short of impossible. Organising a wedding is also notoriously stressful - if the bride gets to the altar without someone muttering blackly about imminent divorce, it's a miracle. There are occasions when hiring a party organiser may suddenly seem a brilliant and rational idea rather than a slightly frivolous luxury. However, the concept of hiring somebody to plan your party for you is new to Ireland. A party, after all, is just some friends getting together for a good time - why pay someone to boss you around and tell you red paper napkins aren't "in" this year?
"Most people's idea of a party planner is Frank, the wedding organiser in that Steve Martin film, Father Of The Bride," laughs Tara Fay, the woman behind Xena Productions, a recently-established Irish wedding and party planning company. Frank (pronounced "Fronk") was the most detestable pseudo-Gallic character, camp as a Scout jamboree and very fond of statements like "You know, we most have zeswans in the frawnt yard - so very een zis month".
"At least people know what a party-planner is if they've seen the film," grins Tara, who has had some difficulties explaining herself to the Irish public. "But at the same time people tend to think that I'm going to boss them around - and it's not like that at all. I'm not a storm trooper who goes in and takes over. I'm more like an interior designer. A client can either come to me for advice and leave it at that, or I can work with their ideas and take care of everything."
She really means everything. After a quick break while she discusses bagpipers on her mobile phone, Tara reels off some of the numerous services she has provided in the past. She has disguised a problem staircase with flowers, driven off to find spot-cream for an anxious bride, and searched high and low for fluffy beagles for a table centrepiece. She claims there is no such word as "can't"; and when I ask if there has ever been a request she couldn't do, she laughs, shakes her head and touches wood simultaneously. There is a huge air of competence about Tara Fay, and it seems that ensuring weddings and parties are stress-free is equally as important as making wonderlands out of nothing. "The ideal situation is when somebody can arrive home from work, get changed and walk downstairs to enjoy their own party. They shouldn't have to worry about anything - that's my job."
Tara first decided that she wanted to plan parties 12 years ago, but felt that 1980s Ireland was neither the time nor the place to do it. After a four-year business degree in London, she concentrated on getting general business and marketing experience but inevitably ended up organising the office parties and product launches.
When she decided to set up on her own two years ago, she went about it in typically thorough fashion - completing a wedding co-ordinator correspondence course before heading over to the party capital of the US, Los Angeles, to get some ideas and experience.
For six months she worked with S & R Originals, a Beverly Hills-based party planning firm with 25 years' experience and a permanent staff of 15. Party planning is big business in America, and the firm had its own prop department, art division and flower room as well as some fairly rich and famous clients. It was a baptism of fire for Tara - who, two days after her arrival, was set to work on a $250,000 party.
"That was really incredible - we had six-foot centrepieces on every table, $1,000 worth of candy on a free candy cart, and ice sculptures everywhere. We turned the Universal Hilton Hotel fountain into an English country garden complete with a pagoda and live butterflies, and all the napkins were decorated with wired roses that were flown in from South America that morning."
Other things Tara created for the rich and famous of Los Angeles included "TV Land", where every table had a monitor showing favourite episodes of ER or Friends; a wedding reception in an old theatre in Hollywood complete with giant gold-framed portraits of famous Hollywood couples, and a ship-wreck on a beach, accessible only by a teetering rope gangway. "It's all in the details. If somebody walks into a party they should never see the effort involved, they should just feel comfortable. For example, if it's a Casablanca party, the guest has to immediately feel they're on the set of the film - there should be no beginning or end to the illusion," explains Tara, with the zeal of one trying to convert heathens.
Since she set up her own business here last November she has found that the Irish have been a little more conservative in their demands - colour-themed and 1970sthemed parties, and simple, tasteful buffets are all popular. Luckily Tara's prices don't compare to the West coast either. While every party is costed differently, she insists that what she saves the client in time and money, usually outweighs the cost of her time.
No function is too big or too small to be "planned" - Tara is organising a wedding party in June where the sole guests will be a Canadian couple who want a romantic day without the family or the fuss. One of her largest functions will take place this Friday, when the Irish Motor Neurone Disease Association holds its first James Bond-style ball in Leopardstown entertainment centre in south Co Dublin. In her usual quest for the unusual touch, Tara has arranged for fleets of fake paparazzi and autograph hunters to pester the ball-goers as they arrive as well as flooding the reception with Bond cars, Bond girls and martinis, shaken not stirred.
"I couldn't have set up this business in Ireland 10 years ago," muses Tara. "This country is so much more international now - we have seen more and we want something a bit different for weddings and parties. Enjoying yourself is not something to feel guilty about any more."
