Ad nauseam: "The Sunday Times says this album should be heard!" trumpets the radio advert for Toy, the debut album by Dubliner Greg Geoghegan. Soundbites says that this irritating, over-used ad should be herded off the airwaves.

Following our showdown with outlaw Jack Lawless last week, Soundbites was visited by some lovely ladies from Strumpetville, who sorted us out and left us cryin' like a baby. That was a dirty lowdown trick, Lawless, and when you and your three showbiz gals from Texas come a-visitin' these parts, I'll be waitin' for ya.

Royal hype: The latest press release from Riverdance reaches new heights of vacuity with its account of the show's opening in Tokyo, which was attended by Crown Prince Naruhito and his wife, Crown Princess Masako. In the most rivetting cultural exchange since Nixon visited China, the Japanese royals, "apart from being reserved, clapped as much as anybody else". Tune in next week, when the Emperor taps his foot during the show.