Actors, producers, directors, screenwriters, critics and financiers - nobody is spared Alan Parker's barbed humour in his witty 220-page book of cartoons on the film industry, Will Write and Direct for Food (Southbank Publishing).

One shows Madonna, the star of Parker's Evita, singing "Me! Me! Me!" until her voice coach interrupts. "No dear, one more time. It's do, re, mi, fa, so, la, te, do." In another, showing two men tied up and boiling in a pot, one says, "It could be worse. We could be trapped in a darkened room watching a Guy Ritchie movie."

Two castaways are on a desert island and one opens a message in a bottle: "It says Gangs of New York wasn't very good and neither was Aviator. You missed nothing." And a hairdresser tells a customer, "I saw your new film and thought it was great - not nearly as shitty as the critics said."

On the back cover, David Puttnam comments, "If the movie industry can survive this, it can survive anything". In the book is a cartoon of a couple about to have sex when one asks, "Now, you're absolutely sure you're a friend of David Puttnam?"