Brian Boydon music

THERE are three of you, a drummer, a bass player and a guitarist. You are three- quarters of one of the most gargantuan rock bands on the planet and you are chomping at the bit to get back out on the road. Problem: Your lead singer is being a bit of a hippy-tit about the whole thing, coy and evasive when asked if he's going to fill out the picture.

What do you do? Easy - you pretend you're Real Madrid and the lead singer is Cristiano Ronaldo, and you begin by turning up the heat in the media.

Backstory: Led Zeppelin reformed for a famous one-off show at London's 02 arena last year. To a certain generation, this was like the second coming. They even broke a longtime promise and played Stairway to Heaven. A staggering 20 million people registered their details to be in with a chance of going to the 20,000-capacity show, making it the most over-subscribed event in the history of the entertainment business.

The show was stunning; all talk was of Led Zep doing a full-blown tour. Phone number-sized figures were being bandied about by promoters, and fans prepared to negotiate the price of their soul for a chance to see the band. Robert Plant, though, stood back from the frenzied talk and continued touring with Alison Kraus to promote their Raising Sandalbum.

Guitarist Jimmy Page, bass player John Paul Jones and drummer Jason Bonham were far from gruntled at their lead singer's decision to tour with somebody else and not commit to what could be - financially, at least - the greatest rock reunion tour of all time. A series of random incidents took place, but put them all together and you'll see that they were likely planned out in advance, with a constant drip, drip in the media to convince Plant to give in and join the big-dosh reunion circus.

Two months ago, Bonham gave an interview in which he said Led Zeppelin were finally working on new material. What he really meant to say was that he, Page and Jones had been writing new Zep songs while Plant was out two- timing with Alison Kraus.

Then Page performed Whole Lotta Loveto an audience of billions at the closing ceremony of the Olympic Games, with X Factorwinner Leona Lewis in for Plant. Page might as well have taken out a full page ad in the music trade press saying "I so want to get out there and play songs such as Whole Lotta Loveagain that I'm even prepared to hand over that really famous vocal line to a reality-TV show contestant."

Plant, though, isn't biting. Exasperated, the other members, it is alleged, leaked a story that they are now auditioning for a new lead vocalist to take on the road. The name of Dave Grohl, ex-Nirvana and now of Foo Fighters, began to get a few airings in the media. Still no response from Plant.

A further story alleged that the band had been scouring Zep tribute bands on YouTube and had found their man. You knew there was some mischief-making afoot when an American singer by the name of Myles Kennedy was heavily tipped to be unveiled as the new lead singer.

Here's the twist: Myles Kennedy is a very good rock singer but he also once appeared in a film called Rock Star, which is all about how a famous hard rock band asked the lead singer of their tribute band to be their new lead singer. It seems that, despite all his frustration with Plant, Jimmy Page still hasn't lost his very dry sense of humour.

As for Plant, his former "maybe I will/maybe I won't" stance seems to have been replaced by a firm refusal to ever reform Led Zeppelin.

"It's both frustrating and ridiculous for this story to continue to rear its head when all the musicians that surround the story are keen to get on with their individual projects and move forward," he said. "I wish Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones and Jason Bonham nothing but success with any future projects."

There's a blockbuster film in here somewhere.