Love in a cold and wet climate

Couples from mixed backgrounds living in Ireland tell Arsheen Qasim about the benefits and challenges their differing nationality, culture and religion bring to their relationships

Being a dark-haired, dark-eyed, petite Filipino, Cristina Cinco immediately caught Nick's eye. "It was extreme attraction at first sight," says Nick Taaffe, a 23-year-old Dubliner who met Cristina while working on a cruise boat in Canada. Cristina was the only girl on the job, and when their boss realised they were in love he moved her to another boat. So Nick decided to quit his job in defiance.

Cristina and Nick's summer romance was still going strong two-and-a-half years on. "We thought it couldn't go anywhere because we were from different countries and we had college. I had never thought that I would ever go visit his country." But love tugged at their hearts and Cristina came over from Canada to see Nick that Christmas. Soon after they both finished their studies she decided to move to Ireland.

Joana Medeiros (23) from Portugal also moved to Ireland just to be close to her Irish boyfriend of six years, Eoin O'Faolain. "I never even thought of Ireland before - I wanted to go to Japan! But I speak English and I have more opportunities here," says Joana.

Ireland seemed like the perfect place to meet and fall in love for medical students, Hana (22) and Eric (25). Irish-born Hana moved to Bahrain with her English mother and Indian father when she was young. She came back to study medicine at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland. While in her second year she met Eric, who had moved here from Connecticut.

"We're in this small class, and we decided to go to a comedy club just for a laugh," recalls Hana. "I arrived at his door, ready to go. I said, 'who's going as well?' He's like, 'oh, it just turned out to be you and me,' and there you go," she smiles.

Mauritian-Indian Minakshi (Min) Ramphul (23) met David O'Connell from Limerick in their first year studying medicine in Trinity College Dublin. They've been together for more than three years.

So what is it that attracts young people from different countries, cultures and religious persuasions to each other? "I found Min interesting because of the different culture. I didn't know much about Indian culture or Indian clothes or food or anything beforehand," says David.

IT WAS SOMETHING similar that sparked Cristina's interest in Nick. "I think Nick and I were very exciting for each other. I loved his accent, his really white skin - all the white boys in Canada are tanned!"

Nick confesses he knew little about Filipino culture before he met Cristina. "She introduced me to a lot of things. Even the Filipino food was different; they didn't eat potatoes - all they eat is rice." Cristina adds, "He didn't know what sushi was, he didn't know what a mango was."

These young people feel that their worlds have expanded through dating a person from a different background to theirs. Learning cultural lessons becomes part of the daily routine. Joana's social life didn't revolve around drinking alcohol. "I'm trying to cut down," says Eoin. "Living in Portugal, it was nice to know you can have a good time with people without relying on alcohol. It's just great to get a different viewpoint because we Irish are kind of stuck in a certain attitude."

Despite the excitement of being exposed to new cultures, most of these young people in Ireland feel that being in an intercultural relationship is not that different from being in a relationship with someone from the same race or country.

"I come from Mauritius and it's multicultural, it's very mixed, and mixed relationships there are quite common, so it wasn't strange for me," explains Min.

Hana comes from a similar cosmopolitan background. "Bahrain's a really multi-cultural, liberal society compared with Saudi. Bahrain is essentially the same as over here, so it was fairly relaxed growing up and I went to an English school."

But what do the more conservative parents think about it? How does the couple handle sensitive issues such as religion? And surely cultural differences can create misunderstandings that a same-race couple may not have to deal with?

"Our parents are fine with it, but at first we didn't know if the older generation would be," says Min.

David claims his family is more traditional than Min's relations. "We were going out some time before I told my grandmother. But that's because she's 90, so she's very old-fashioned. I think a lot of differences aren't really to do with the culture, I think it's the way the families are: like, telling my grandmother wouldn't be difficult because I'm Irish - it's because my family are a very conservative family."

Cristina's father found out she was leaving for Ireland only the night before her flight. "Letting me go to another country for a guy is just a no-no, it's against my Filipino culture. I'm sure Dad was heart-broken - there was crying."

It seems that religion is a major factor where parents are concerned. Hana's Muslim father doesn't approve of her dating. "My Dad doesn't know. We had a little incident last summer where there was talk of it and my Dad said 'you can't be doing this'. My Mom knows about my boyfriend, she's English." She wonders how her father can expect her to get married if she doesn't date.

Hana says her father is more liberal than most Muslim fathers and doesn't approve of arranged marriages as such. "I don't know whether it's his Indian mentality or whether it's the Muslim way of going about things. He probably wants [ me to marry] a Muslim-Indian boy."

Eric and his parents are worried that Hana's father doesn't know about their relationship. "It bothers the hell out of him, and his parents really want to meet my parents but they can't yet," says Hana.

Cultural and linguistic diversities may have attracted them to each other in the first place but those differences have been the cause of communication barriers.

It took Cristina some time to get used to the Irish accent and the Irish way of saying things. Nick gives an example. "We say 'c'mere for a sec' when we mean to say 'listen' and she would say 'but I am here!' Now she just says it to annoy me."

Hana thinks accents are a cause for fascination more than a problem in her relationship with her American boyfriend. "English is my mother tongue. My Mom comes from Yorkshire, they have really broad, thick accents - he's quite fascinated by that. English humour is very different to American humour; we say things more sarcastically, so sometimes he doesn't get what I'm laughing about."

FOR AN ENGLISH major, Joana still feels that language is the main barrier in their relationship. "When I get upset I have a lot of trouble expressing myself; I think Eoin doesn't understand me. I love Portuguese sayings and I can't express them in English. Also I'm not funny at all in English but I'm hilarious in Portuguese: I never made anyone laugh in English!"

Most couples trying to nurture intercultural relationships here find Ireland provides a congenial environment, and none of these young couples have had negative reactions from the public.

However, many feel Ireland has a long way to go before it can completely acknowledge and integrate interracial relationships. "We don't see any couples who are mixed. We do look out for them but we've never seen a Filipino with an Irish guy in Dublin," says Nick.

Cristina feels that sometimes Nick openly make offensive jokes about her ethnicity. "He sees me more as a Filipino than a Canadian. In just a flash he robs my Canadian citizenship off me," she says. "In Ireland race is equal to nationality but to us race and nationality are different things. I understand now that he's in a country that's not very multicultural yet; having lived in Canada makes me understand that."

She was taken by surprise recently when she saw a mixed-mannequin family in a display window at a large department store.

"There was a white female mannequin, a black male mannequin and a child mannequin of mixed race. So much effort was put into it, even down to their hair!" she exclaims.

Cristina says there seems to be a faster racial integration among the dolls than among the real people in Ireland. "She laughs every time she sees one; they've had them in Canada for years," adds Nick. "She even made me take a photograph of it."