G-Force

JERRY BRUCKHEIMER, who is to subtlety what napalm is to foliage, has rarely had much to do with kids' films (the Pirates of the Caribbean flicksare more of a family franchise), but the producer has now put all his malign power behind a film about talking rodents.

Whereas the recent, bizarrely successful Alvin and the Chipmunkscame across like something knocked up on a laptop in a garage, G-Forceutilises classy CGI, voice work by Oscar winners and some genuinely impressive 3-D effects in its efforts to colonise the school holidays. Ultimately, however, the film-makers' aims are exactly as expected: let's make cute animals say the word "dude" and shake their butts to dance music. I am only now beginning to realise how much the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have to answer for.

The plot is so unduly complicated that, if detailed in its labyrinthine entirety, would spread beyond The Ticket’s borders and colonise part of the sports pages. Suffice to say, then, that Bill Nighy, an Aussie businessman, is planning global conquest, and the animals of the titular government agency – racially diverse guinea pigs and one grumpy mole – are the only beings that stand in his way.

Dismissed by an FBI jobsworth, they continue their freelance investigations into the magnate’s plot and, as the explosions grow louder, begin to suspect he may be less than he seems.

In the film’s defence, Disney’s boffins finally manage to do something interesting with this pesky digital 3-D that has been annoying spectacle wearers for the last few years. By utilising a deliciously simple innovation (indeed, simple enough for me to figure out), they allow the impression that objects are travelling beyond the screen’s perimeter. A chase through a mass detonation of fireworks shows the technique to notable advantage.

Sadly, the characterisation of the creatures is much less impressive. Not quite living breathing creatures, not quite animated caricatures, the heroes end up as bland, largely indistinguishable blobs of software.

Still, if you do get bored, you can always try and work up mild fury at the persistent, surprisingly racy double entendres. “I’d hit him so hard he’d shed himself,” one guinea pig says of a looming snake. Get it? I’m appalled!

Directed by Hoyt Yeatman. Starring Bill Nighy, Will Arnett, Zach Galifianakis, voices of Nicolas Cage, Sam Rockwell, Jon Favreau, Penelope Cruz PG cert, gen release, 89 min