This week Con Textlooks at DISCOMGOOGLATION
Sorry, can't chat. Gotta get to a PC.
Discomgooglation is that disorientated feeling you get when you're deprived of your online fix. You get nervous, you get fidgety, you get the cold sweats - all the symptoms an addict gets when they're forced to go cold turkey.
Yes, yes, very interesting. Now, where's your PC?
People have become so used to being connected, both at home and in the workplace, that when they have to go any length of time without being hooked up to the internet, they start to feel lost, adrift in the real world without a paddle.
Look, I'd love to stay and chat about this, but I really need to go online immediately. I haven't checked my e-mails for nearly an hour, my Facebook profile needs updating, and if I don't get back into World of Warcraft now, my army will be annihilated.
A recent survey by research and consulting organisation YouGov found that more than 75 per cent of British internet users would suffer from withdrawal symptoms if deprived of the internet for too long. Church attendance may be down, but attendance at the Temple of the Web is growing fast, with more that half of respondents saying that the internet is more important than religion.
Well, what's that got to do with me? Okay, maybe I do spend a lot of time online, but I can give it up any time I want.
A scientific study, led by psychologist Dr David Lewis, found that stress levels rose when people were deprived of their internet security blanket. The team noted higher levels of blood pressure and increased heart rate in those who were logged off for long periods. Some clever-clogs in the research team came up with "discomgooglation" as a handy name for the affliction.
So it's just a fancy word for internet addiction?
Not quite - internet addiction is a very different beast altogether. Most people are not so much addicted to the internet as dependent on it. Because so much everyday activity is conducted through the internet, including work-related activity, social networking, shopping, and getting information, people find it more difficult to conduct their daily lives without having recourse to online resources. You may be able to trundle along happily through the day reading newspapers, watching telly and chatting to your friends on the phone (that's the big, black yoke sitting on a side-table in the hall), but at some stage during the day you're going to have to get on the information superhighway - and if you can't, you may feel left out of the loop. The YouGov survey found that around a quarter of the UK's population would find it hard to go about their daily business without the internet.
Well, they needn't worry - our always-on culture should ensure they're never more than a click away from relief.
But no one knows what would happen if a natural disaster occurred and people were deprived of the internet for weeks. Relief agencies may have to airdrop laptops instead of food.
But why call it discomgooglation?
Google has become emblematic of the pervasive power of the internet.The company, set up by two students, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, in their garage 10 years ago, has grown to become one of the most dominant forces on the web - but some say that Google wields too much power. Many are concerned about the amount of information Google holds on internet users, and the ease with which Google can be used to conduct surveillance on others. Google also bowed to the Chinese government and censored itself in China, leading many to question its unofficial motto: "Don't be evil." With the launch of its own browser, Chrome, Google is, according to some, turning into its enemy, Microsoft.
Try at work:"The staff is petitioning for shorter lunch breaks - an hour is too long to be away from the computer."
Try at home:"We're sending James to re-boot camp to try and cure him of discomgooglation."