Style statements are the Christmas presents you buy to show everyone what a tasteful, caring, welloff and generally wonderful person you are
Tree's company
YOU have two Christmas trees - one straggly and disorganised affair for the children to hang all those paper decorations they make in school, and another, gloriously designed and therefore untouchable, tree in the adult room which Mum decorates to look like something out of a Norman Rockwell illustration.
Perfect for the ambitious tree decorator are the Waterford Holiday Heirlooms (£12.50 and £17.50 each at House of Ireland), which are magical, large glass decorations straight out of the 1950s with glitter and shiny colours. They look just like the ones that you weren't allowed to touch as a child, which splintered when you squeezed them too hard (which you were doing because you didn't want to drop them).
Barbed-wire candles
YOU buy Amnesty International candles (£2.50 and £3.95 at Amnesty, Fleet Street, Dublin) and put them in black, barbed wire holders (£12.95 each) to show everyone that despite your materialistic lifestyle, you continue to empathise with those for whom the phrase, "it's better to light a candle, than curse the darkness", has true meaning.
Pursed tips
THE Prada purse (£65 at Brown Thomas) is a gesture of intent. It means simply this: that by the end of January you will have trimmed your wardrobe down to a handful of wardrobe basics; that you will clean out your handbag and jettison all the unread documents, wadded up tissues, Visa receipts, broken lipsticks and empty paracetamol poppacks; and that by February, having purchased a full Prada wardrobe in the sales, you will have acquired a minimalist, Italian silhouhette. Fat chance.
Cry `Blubber!'
THE seal lamp from Waterford Crystal by John Rocha (£395 at Brown Thomas) means that you live in ethereal, minimalist sleekness - and that you clearly have no children or pets. Those heavy, traditional, Waterford chandeliers hang from the ceiling for one reason: children cannot reach them. If you already own a people carrier, it is too late for you to have a John Rocha lamp. Buy some Rocha Waterford crystal goblets instead (£27.50 each at outlets everywhere).
Chop-chop
SILVER-plated wooden chopsticks (£25.95 for two pairs, including silverplated rests, at Foko). These could spell out that you are a low-fat, steamed-fish, boiled rice, sushi and saki bore. Dinner guests see the chop-sticks and begin mentally to map a route home that includes a stop at the Chinese take-away. You are insufferable, in other words, but who cares? You're rich enough to buy silver-plated chopsticks.
Sweet nothings for your beloved . . .
YOU could suggest: "Let's buy a house in Spain" with an orange tree (starting at £15; from a range of conservatory plants at Avoca Handweavers) or "I want to cosset you more" . . . with a cashmere pull-over (£139.95 at Powerscourt, Enniskerry) or
"You are my queen" . . . with a diamante tiara (£9.95 at Avoca Handweavers; from £12.95 at Brown Thomas) or
"Don't leave me" . . . with diamante handcuffs (320 sterling, by mail order at Agent Provocateur, 16 Pont Street, SW1, mail order 0044-1483-204469 or "Get up off your arse and do something with that jungle" . . . with Draper garden tools (£14£60 at Avoca Handweavers) or, finally,
"Let's walk and talk together more in 1999" . . . red, gold or brown dry wax outdoor jacket from Redgewood range for men and women, (£189.95 at Avoca Handweavers).
Power presents for Celtic Tiger cubs . . .
IN the new information-technology ethos, a three-year-old without a home computer is regarded as sad. The hands-down winner for kids this year is the iMac (£989 at Compu B Dublin, Cork, Limerick and Belfast) because you can literally plug in and play within a few minutes of opening the box (yes, we've done it). It's proving to be hugely popular with schools because it so accessible and fast. Three-year-olds can easily find their way through the educational programmes in the three-to-five age group. Popular CD-ROMS include Tomb Raider II (£49.99 at Compu B, phone orders taken at 1850-66-8888 and shop on-line - www.compub.com); the Disney series (101 Dalmatians Animated Storybook CD-ROM £34.99) and the interactive Living Books series (£34.99 each) for threeeight-year-olds.
Wheels meet again
DADS who want to relive their childhoods go big-time for Hornby train sets (starting at £79.99 at Nimble Fingers, Stillorgan). Don't buy a Hornby train set for any child younger than eight unless the parent intends to play along every step of the way. Don't blame us when the box is lying partially opened on St Valentine's Day. Some Mums and Dads get so excited by their toys that the giving keeps on going throughout the year, with Dads arriving at Nimble Fingers on Saturdays to change bits of track or add to their lay-outs.
Another top toy for ambitious parents is the classic Scalextric, such as Formula One (£99), which includes two racing cars with two-lane track. This takes all of the holidays to assemble, except for those endowed with exceptional patience. The Cybermaster is for "robotising" your Lego (£145 at Nimble Fingers) is popular with parents of older children who have already become familiar with Lego Technic.
Don't just give your child a toy, give him a full-time job. Airfix kits - a big seller at Christmastime - cost from £3.99 to £99 for a wooden construction kit of the Mayflower.
Starting at level one is very important - and don't forget the glue and the paints! Completing one of these would take two weeks working full-time, so don't feel too bad if you come across it lying unfinished under the bed five years on.
Has Beanies
DON'T give a cuddly, give an investment. Some of the Beanie Babies cannot be got for love or money and are now worth up to $4,000 in the US. Nimble Fingers had a collector in last year who told a little girl that no Beanie Baby was for playing with. The current range can still be bought for £4.99 each at Nimble Fingers, which is operating a waiting list for Erin the Bear (£4.99). Get your child used to handling road rage from the moment they can walk. Pegasus jeeps (£399), motorbikes (£219) and 4x4s (£139) are being imported from Italy by Ken Black Toys, Portlaoise 0502-21292.
