Woman who fled her home gets interim barring order against husband

A woman who fled her home after allegedly being subjected to constant emotional and psychological abuse by her husband has obtained an interim barring order.

The woman told Dublin District Family Court she is in “constant fear” as a result of her husband’s behaviour over the years, decided some weeks ago she could no longer bear it, fled her home with just her passport, and is now staying with a relative.

Throughout their lengthy relationship she said the man subjected her to criticism and belittling, referred to her as “frigid” and “brain-dead”, told her she is “crazy”, “losing it” and to “shut the f*** up”, and mocked her about her age and body.

His behaviour amounted to coercive control of her, including monitoring her phone, constantly checking on her, isolating her from friends, directing that no one could visit her except by appointment, behaving badly if people did visit and putting pressure on her to give up her job before she retired, she said.

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The woman said she is lucky to still have a good relationship with her family but that his behaviour has affected her mental health, causing anxiety and severe panic attacks. The court heard she is on medication for conditions diagnosed as stress-related.

She had worked hard to buy her home, which was mortgage-free when he moved in with her several years ago, before their marriage a few years later. Her husband pays property tax on another property which he owned with a former partner, she added.

Her husband is not working, contributes little to household costs, drinks excessively, often does not wash for weeks resulting in “unbearable” smells and has sometimes urinated on the floor, she said, adding that he has “an unbearable temper” when drunk.

Despite there being empty bedrooms upstairs, he had slept on the couch over the last five years and does not get up some days until noon, restricting her movements in her home, she said.

The woman said she has told him their relationship is over and she wants him to leave. He has made some admissions to her about his behaviour but has failed to leave the house, she said.

Saying she cannot, for the sake of her mental health, go back home while he remains there, the woman applied ex parte (one side only represented) for an interim barring order (IBO). She intends to seek a divorce and wants the IBO in order to “feel safe”.

Sitting at the emergency domestic violence court in Dolphin House, Dublin, on Friday, Judge Gerard Furlong told the woman she had outlined a “very detailed and unusual” set of circumstances. While some aspects would not in themselves lead to an IBO, the combination of circumstances, including the effects on her health, gave a picture of systematic situation on foot of which he would grant an IBO, the judge said.

The IBO is returnable before the court within eight days when both parties are entitled to be heard. The options available to the court include to lift the IBO or grant a full barring order for three years.

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