Hot air from new chief may not persuade us to fly United Airlines

Dear Oscar Munoz

Congratulations on being made chief executive of United Airlines – you're a brave man to have accepted the job. I learn from the papers that your predecessor just quit and that your airline is suspected of running a lossmaking route to allow the chairman of the Port Authority – its landlord at Newark airport – to fly to his weekend house in South Carolina, at the same time as United was renewing its lease. What a story. I can't remember the last time I read claims of such old-fashioned skulduggery.

However, I’m writing to you on another matter. I’ve just been shown a copy of the letter you sent last week to every customer of United and I can’t resist telling you what I think of it. You start by saying: “I’d like to take a few moments of your time to introduce myself to you, our valued customer.” In the same spirit, I’d like to take a few moments of your time to introduce myself to you, our valued reader. You go on to say you’re “excited about the incredible opportunity that the United team has to improve the travel experience essential to the vitality of global business and to the personal lives of millions of people”. It is good that you feel that way, especially as what you are so excited about – an opportunity to stop being so mediocre – is just the thing that usually leaves bosses depressed and disheartened.

However, in your valiant attempt to sound enthusiastic, I can’t help thinking you have over-egged the role of United in the world. There are lots of things essential to the health of global businesses and to the “personal lives” of millions, but the “travel experience” offered by your company is not one of them.

You want customers to choose United first. That’s a splendid aim, which you say you will meet by “delivering on three things”. Although the word “deliver” invariably sets my teeth on edge (particularly when followed by the preposition “on”), I cannot disagree with your three things: focus on the customer, teamwork and innovation. That is because the three are not only blindingly obvious but are also entirely vague, so much so that I don’t understand why you are demanding a moment of your customers’ time to list them.

Annoying and inconvenient

The only concrete thing you mention is the need to get people to their destinations on time. This is spot on. But the reason it matters is not, as you claim, to allow customers to “hug a family member at an important moment”, it is because being late is annoying and inconvenient.

After promising to listen and learn (though not, I note, to act or to fix), you add: “Our passion for the safety of our customers and our people will be at the core of everything we do.” If I were you, I’d keep passion as far away from safety as you can. When you are in a metal box hurtling through the air at 30,000 feet, passionate people are a liability: what is needed instead are unexcitable types who thrive on dull precision. To achieve your goal, you pledge: “My co-workers and I will work each and every day.” Again, I urge you to do nothing of the sort. If you work each and every day, you’ll go nuts and accidents will happen. I suggest you all take regular and frequent breaks. Finally, you say you want customers to be “as proud to fly United as I am to lead United”. This sounds agreeably symmetrical, only I fear you may have misunderstand what pride is. Pride is pleasure that comes as a result of one’s own achievements. Booking a United flight is not an achievement – unless something has gone horribly wrong along the way.

You sign the letter OSCAR, all in block caps. I’m not much of a believer in these things, but any graphologist will tell you that people who use upper case don’t want to reveal anything of themselves. Is that true of you? Yours Lucy PS: I was about to press send when I saw another story which caught my eye. In Japan, a taxi company has installed vending machines that dispense snacks with a recorded message from its president saying: “Groom yourself well and smile.” Does that make you cringe? I bet it does – but can’t you see it is a bit like what you are doing? You are both broadcasting empty words to employees and customers in the fond expectation that hearing from you will mean something to them.

Customers want better service

The main problem with your letter is that you wrote it at all. Most of your customers won’t want you to take up their time with niceties. Instead they’ll want better service – without hot air from the chief executive. On the only thing they might like to hear about, you are silent. They might have liked reassurance that an airline accused of having done something dastardly is not cutting other corners that could result in them falling out of the sky next time they fly United. – Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2015