Sweet talker

DAVID FEHERTY has become the most quotable golfer since Lee Trevino. Consequently he is always certain of generous media exposure, even when the quality of his golf fails to match his wit. Here are some samples

"When I die, I want to be reincarnated as myself. I like all the things I like."

"I'm here because I've already insulted everyone in Europe." On his reasons for joining the USPGA Tour.

"We were diddled. This one was designed by Barbara." Highly critical of Jack Nicklaus's design of St Mellion, he attributed it to the great man's wife.

"I played quite solidly until I got to the first tee." After a 77 at St Mellion.

"You ask Chris Bonnington, while he is scaling the north face of K2 and is faced with a massive overhang, whether he is enjoying himself. When he gets to the top, that's when he enjoys himself."

"I considered beating the living daylights out of it but it's probably got a wife and a lot of little snake lets." After being bitten on the hand by an adder, at Wentworth.

"Every time he hits the ball, he dislodges a cubic yard of Kent. His divots go further than my drives." On John Daly during the British Open at Sandwich.

"I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler." After a poor round in South Africa.

"I went out to play like Jack Nicklaus and ended up playing like Jacques Tati."

"My ultimate ambition is to be able to retire from the game because it drives me berserk."