Swedish hospitality plays havoc in shack

Sweden has always had more than its fair share of casualties in the caddie shack, and last week was no exception.

It's difficult to explain this slacking off: the time of year, the festive nature of the annual Scandinavian tournament, the strength of the Swedish beer - there could be any number of excuses.

Last week's tally amounted to two sackings and one other offence that probably could have justified a dismissal.

One of the most amusing incidents (without gloating on another's misfortune) involved the Seagull, who caddies for the Frenchman Marc Farry, who had made the cut by a couple of shots.

Because so many made the cut, the first tee-off time was 6.30 a.m., and this, coupled with the 40-minute bus journey to the Barseback club required many players and caddies to catch early courtesy buses from Malmo.

The Seagull, who had apparently had a good night out in the high-spirited city, staggered onto the early bus with the previous night's mood very much with him. Unusually warm "good mornings" were lavished upon the other sleepy passengers. The Seagull's world was still, at 6.45 in the morning, a very happy place. He disappeared to the back of the bus under a miasma of last night's alcohol and found himself a quiet seat, and as the bus rolled out to the golf course, collapsed into a deep sleep.

The bus finally arrived at the clubhouse and everyone got off into the fresh morning air blowing off the Ore Sound, which was a relief for those who were unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of the sleeping "Gull".

He had been hollered at, gently cajoled, shaken and rattled at just before 7.30 until his head was in danger off falling off - "Seagull, wake up". A blurb and splutter later, a glazed open eye and Mucker, one of his colleagues, was satisfied that the Gull was awake and jumped off the bus. Little did he realise how deep the Gull had been sleeping.

The Seagull woke again back in Malmo an hour later as the later starters were filing onto the 8.30 departure bound for Barseback .

Back at the course, Farry had resigned himself to a no-show from his regular porter and was beginning his third round with a local looper on the bag. The Seagull arrived back at the golf club, for the second time that morning, but this time he managed to descend from the bus. After a strong cup of coffee he decided to leave his player to his own devices out on the course and returned to Malmo to catch up on the sleep.

Fortunately for the Gull, he has an understanding boss in Farry and normal service was resumed on Sunday. Farry probably got more value out of telling the story of his missing caddie the previous day than he would have got from having him by his side in a less than compos mentis state.

Desvonde Botes, from South Africa, completed his round on Saturday, ate a late lunch and continued with a practice session later that afternoon. Players can often mix-up their practice routine to break the monotony, and by the time Desvonde had wrapped up his practice, his caddie, Shane, had lost track of where he was.

In a mad rush to catch the next bus back to town he left his player's bag unattended beside the putting green.

On Sunday morning, Shane was seen rushing about the range asking if anyone had seen Desvonde's bag. No one had and it has not been spotted since. Fortunately for Botes, and more so for his caddie, David Park, who had missed the cut, was staying around to practice over the weekend and was on the range when the missing bag was announced. He loaned Botes his clubs for the day and continued his practice with some spare clubs. Shane has no plans to caddie for the foreseeable future.

The final tale in the heavy caddie casualty list from southern Sweden is that of our own Myles Byrne. Myles had been answering to the sobriquet of "M15" since the unfortunate incident at Lytham a few weeks back. The caddie shack was not long in conjuring this unfortunate alias for the hapless Bray man.

Myles had set a couple of alarm clocks for early Sunday morning but responded to neither of them. Myles Byrne was going to be late for his meeting with his boss.

As Woosnam headed to the range early that morning, carrying his clubs, he motioned to some caddies waiting outside the locker-room: "If Myles comes, tell him not to bother".

An informal dismissal had been issued to the tardy caddie. One serious error had been brushed aside by the forgiving player, but the second infringement warranted the red card.

You could be forgiven for thinking that caddies are an irresponsible bunch given the above tales. But the truth is that they are as passionate about their job as any other serious group of professionals. I encountered four colleagues huddled over their beers late on Sunday night arguing about the direction of the wind on the approach shot to the 18th hole. That sounded like dedication to me.