Planet Golf

A round-up of golfing news

Stafford takes clubbing a bit too seriously

IT MAY be a game built on fair play and respect but it's probably fair to assume we have all, at some point or another, behaved poorly on the golf course with clubs thrown and expletives muttered.

Although when the red mist descends, there aren't too many of us who will see fit to react in the manner of a certain Harold Stafford.

Playing at Stockswood Park golf club in Luton, the 54-year-old became embroiled in an argument with Barry Barnes, who he believed had played his ball. When Barnes "politely" approached Stafford's group, he was met by the psychiatric nurse brandishing his eight iron in "murderous" fashion.

As he turned on his heel, Barnes was set upon by Stafford who began beating him about the head with the club, hitting him so hard the club snapped. Stafford continued his assault with Barnes on the ground, punching and kicking him before members of his own group forcibly removed him.

Barnes suffered cuts and bruises in the attack and a court was told, one presumes without a hint of irony, that his right eye had swollen to the size of a golf ball. Stafford, a former golfer of the year at the club, was given a nine-month jail term.

Handicapped by ignorance

ANOTHER "GOLFER" was jailed in Britain earlier this month, this time after being found guilty of smuggling cocaine into the country hidden inside golf clubs.

Returning from a golf holiday in the Caribbean, Kayti Ella Dryer had carefully secreted a kilo of the devil's nose candy inside her clubs but was caught out when customs officers at Manchester Airport enquired about the state of her game.

When quizzed as to what handicap she played off, the 23-year-old replied that she wasn't disabled, thank you very much, and was equally nonplussed when the conversation moved on to birdies and bogeys.

"When Dryer was asked questions about golf, it was clear that she was totally unfamiliar with the game and she had no legitimate reason for travelling with the sports equipment," explained a custom's official.

Suspicions duly aroused, officers drilled into the drugs mule's clubs where they discovered cocaine with a street value of almost €100,000. Having pleaded guilty to smuggling at Manchester Crown Court, Dryer was given four years to brush up on her golfing terminology.

A long track and a long trek

LONG OFF the tee? Fancy testing yourself on the world's longest course? First, you'll need a plane ticket to Australia, plenty of gas in the tank and at least four days to play it. For the Nullarbor Links, due to open in Western and Southern Australian (yes, both states) later this year, will span some 848 miles and 171 yards.

While the course itself will be eminently playable, at just over 6,500 yards with a par of 72, the actual 18 holes will be dotted along a stretch of the remote Eyre Highway in the outback between Perth and Adelaide.

Each hole will be sited in tiny towns, roadhouses and sheep stations along the route, starting in the gold mining centre of Kalgoorlie and finishing across state lines in the remote fishing town of Ceduna.

Synthetic greens and tees have been laid but the fairways will be roughly hewn out the existing bush terrain so expect some interesting lies. Oh, and remember to reset your watch as the course crosses two time zones.

Head for heights? Head for Africa

ON THE subject of record breakers, the "Extreme 19th" hole at the Legend Golf and Safari Resort in South Africa can justifiably claim to be the longest - and highest - par three on the planet.

Perched on the summit of Hanglip Mountain some 1,200 feet above the green, the "elevated" tee box on this remarkable hole is so high players need a helicopter to get up and down.

With a carry of almost 400 yards, the ball can take over 30 seconds before coming back to earth and the club are offering a prize of (€703,000) to the first player to score a hole-in-one.

Retief Goosen, Trevor Immelman, Sergio Garcia and Colin Montgomerie are among those to have already tried their luck but were unable to even match par.

Indeed, our own Pádraig Harrington was the first person to register a three, with the video of his shootout with Raphael Jacquelin attracting over 2.5 million hits on Youtube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3_W_JryhR0).

Slang of the week

The Rock Hudson

- Refers to a misjudged putt, ie, thought it was straight but it wasn't