Jerusalem AD 33 There was consternation in the city this week following a letter written in Governor Pilate's office which was leaked to the Palestine Times.
The letter was fiercely critical of the city's religious authorities. It described them as "venal", "probably corrupt", "deceitful", and as "those awful people".
A spokesman for the High Priest, Dr Caiaphas, said he would not be commenting on the letter until its status had been established. In a hastily released statement, a spokesman for the Governor said the letter has been written by a junior in the Governor's office.
It had been intended for a friend of the official's in Rome. The official "vehemently denied leaking it to the media and has since returned to Rome," it said.
The letter complained about the "dullness" of the Jerusalem posting. "This place is really small grapes in the scheme of things," it said. "Nothing much happens. Ever. Last week's highlight, for instance,. was the crucifixion of a peasant from a kip called Nazareth.
"You really would not want to go there, believe me. This fellow claimed to be God - they believe there is just one of those in these parts (no imagination!) - and the local holy Joes lost it.
"They leant on the Guv to have him killed and, well you know old Ponti. He's just a guy who can't say no! So this peasant - probably just a bit dotty - was crucified on Friday. Which is a pity, as he was not a bad looking guy. And there are not too many of those in these parts."
The letter explained that the High Priest, Dr Caiaphas, and the chief priests had arrived at the Governor's palace the previous Thursday morning "with this pleasant peasant who had his hands tied behind his back. They were slavering for blood. Still they would not come into the palace as they consider us unclean!
"And you should see them. As venal, probably corrupt, and deceitful a gang as it has been my displeasure to ever come across. `Those awful people' is how we refer to them in the office.
"The Guv went out to meet them. Any other man would have told them where to go! He asked what charges there were against the peasant and they said `if he wasn't a criminal we wouldn't be handing him to you'. "He saw through them immediately. They wanted this guy killed because somehow they felt threatened by him. And he looked as innocent as a lamb. Gorgeous!
"They had tried this sort of thing before. And Caiaphas, their boss - as crafty and crooked an old fox as I've ever come across - had been quoted as saying that it was better this peasant should die than all his people be put at risk. Presumably from us. As if we cared. These people have such an inflated view of themselves!
"Anyhow, the Guv told them `go to hell' in diplomatic language. But - you won't believe this - they pleaded `but we can't execute him'! As usual they wanted us to do their dirty work for them. How . . . unclean! "The Guv really didn't need another row with those religious nuts so he brought the peasant into the palace for questioning. "And there was this bizarre discussion about `what is a king'? The peasant said he was a king and his kingdom was not of this world. And I am Caesar. Out of this world, baby! " `Everyone on the side of truth listens to me,' the peasant said. `What is truth?' asked Ponti and I thought oh no, there goes the day. You know how the Guv loves these sort of discussions.
"But he went back to the `holy' men outside and said he could find nothing to charge the preacher with. And they got mad and asked for Barabbas in exchange for the preacher. "Now, Barabbas is an animal. He killed many innocent people during a rebellion. And this was the man these nuts wanted exchanged for a preacher! It is a custom here to release a prisoner at the Passover feast, which took place last week.
"So Barabbas was released and the peasant was flogged, with Ponti hoping that would satisfy the priests. But it didn't. Then he washed his hand and said `upon your heads be it' and the peasant was brought off for crucifixion.
"To annoy the priests the Guv put the sign `Jesus (the peasant's name) of Nazareth King of the Jews' over the top of the cross. It drove them crazy. They protested. `What I have written, I have written,' he said".