It feels like hell, but it does pass

MY HEALTH EXPERIENCE: ALICE CULBERT: Menopause is not something women should apologise for

'I CAN'T BELIEVE you are talking about the menopause," one woman said to me after I was on RTÉ's Off The Rails last April. I had phoned the show for help. I had found myself putting on more and more weight, and I needed to stop. Going on the show became the turning point for me.

I can’t pinpoint exactly when the menopause came, but I first starting suffering symptoms about three years ago. I have three grown-up children and I had a hysterectomy when I was 38, but I didn’t get any menopausal symptoms then.

I was put on a hormone tablet after my hysterectomy because I had sore breasts and phantom period pains. I stayed on the hormones for a few years and they helped keep my nails, hair and skin in good condition. Once I came off them, I started to get symptoms. The doctor told me I was in the peri-menopause and that the tablets had blocked the symptoms before that.

At first, I began to notice small things like joint pain, and that I was more sensitive and moody. Everything people said to me was an affront. I began to think nobody cared about me. I thought I was going mad. I began to suffer anxiety and panic attacks. I didn’t sleep well. This went on for about 12 months. I’d wake up in the night worrying about whether I had insulted someone or done the wrong thing.

I also lost interest in exercise. When I was younger I walked everywhere, but it got to the point that I wouldn’t go anywhere without transport. I had the “sit and spread” attitude: everything became too much effort. I started eating loads of chocolate, whereas before I was never a chocolate eater. I became clumsy and would often lose my balance, probably because of the extra weight I was carrying.

This was very unlike me. I had always been very interested in how I looked. I paid attention to my clothes, my shoes and what handbag I had. Suddenly, I was always in fleeces and tracksuit bottoms.

As I said earlier, making contact with Off the Railswas the turning point for me. I looked in the mirror and asked myself: is this how you want to stay and how you want people to see you? And I said no. I wanted something more. I became motivated to lose weight. I learned how to look for clothes that would suit me and how to wear the right shoes and the right underwear.

I found out ways to change my diet. I stopped eating sugary cereals, eating porridge for my breakfast instead, and brown bread and brown scones instead of white bread. I now eat oily fish like mackerel and salmon, and salads with low fat dressing. My husband gardens, so we have plenty of fresh vegetables.

I also started using progesterone cream and taking a food supplement with phyto-oestrogens and soya. I believe Asian women don’t suffer as many menopausal symptoms as we do because they have so much soya in their diets.

My older sister was also a great help, as were my husband and children. When they saw me getting hyper about small things, they’d tell me everything was okay and that I should calm down.

I worked with Dell computers for about seven years and had a few other jobs after that, but I’m unemployed at the moment.

Now, at 52, I still don’t feel I’m completely through it yet. I’ve still to lose some weight, but I am learning to accept myself as I am. I sometimes ask myself: am I washed up at 52 because I can’t get a job? Is my chin collapsing into my neck? But you’ve got to laugh too.

I absolutely loved the Menopause show that was on tour in Ireland a few years ago. I think women should talk more about the menopause. I think teenagers should learn about it in school. They learn about babies and sex, but nobody tells them about the menopause.

Now, I realise that what I needed most was empathy, understanding and a bucket of love. There’s nothing to be afraid of. It can feel like hell, but it does pass and you will be a different person afterwards.

The menopause is not something women should apologise for. The best way to deal with it is to keep a keen eye on yourself, force yourself to smile and put on a good front even when you don’t feel like it. I know how to handle my symptoms a lot better now and hopefully, by speaking out, I can help other women like me handle their menopause.

In conversation with Sylvia Thompson