Give rugby a try. You might be converted

Bamboozled by scrums, lineouts and outhalves? With the Rugby World Cup under way in New Zealand, KEVIN Mc DONOUGH provides a primer for people who don’t know one end of a rugby ball from another

THERE WILL be a lot of rugby around over the next few weeks: on the TV, in the pub, by the water cooler. People unfamiliar with the game will, no doubt, be perplexed as lifelong fans blame the ref, shout at the ref and announce the ref’s complete misunderstanding of the game.

So if, when the person beside you shouts “that’s outrageous, ref”, you’d like to know whether it was outrageous or not, here’s an introduction to the basic rules of rugby.

The game

One way to look at rugby is to think about how it started. While playing a different sport, a fairly small chap (William Webb Ellis) was about to get creamed by a rather large chap. So William decided to pick the ball up and head in a different direction. Having evaded the initial danger, he needed to bring the event to a conclusion, so he put the ball on the end line and declared the first try to have been scored. Rumour has it he kept running. So rugby is a game of big guys and small guys, the former using beef and brawn to go through the latter, who use guile to go around them.

The players

BACKS

ScrumhalfThink Napoleon. This guy gets to marshal the forwards and give them hell when they're not securing clean possession. He is the link between forwards and backs – and the only back with any idea what the forwards are up to.

OuthalfThis guy is usually your most skilful player, as he has to possess all the required skills: running, kicking, sleight of hand, speed of thought and movement.

CentresHard men who really want to be forwards, are not fast enough for the wing, and not deft enough for the halfbacks. Have been known to make inside and outside breaks, but, mostly, they operate in a very tight space.

WingersDon't like to get their gear dirty, they are usually the fastest men on the pitch, can jink and swerve, and often get frustrated with the lack of ball. They will occasionally pop up in the centre or between the halfbacks (anything to get a sniff of the ball).

FullbackMost reliable chap on the team, he quietly goes about his job without fuss. He's the most visible player if he makes a mistake, so he needs supreme confidence and lots of flexibility.

FORWARDS: THE FRONT FIVE

The engine room; the biggest players on the team. Do not pick a fight with one of these guys. Their main job is to secure possession in scrums, lineouts and at restarts. The building block of any team.

FrontrowWithin the front five you have the front row: two props and a hooker. The nuances of the Front Row Club are kept secret by its members, and most of their work is done buried under bodies. They seem to spend most of their time getting away with stuff and looking very innocent.

BackrowOften the bravest, they put their bodies, heads and hands in dangerous places – and terrorise the opposition's backs by spending the match threatening to take their heads off.

Remember

Nobody fully understands all the rules – even the refs – and they are open to interpretation. But don’t let that stand in your way as you pour scorn on the ref’s decisions. Enjoy the games.

Other rules

1 The play often breaks down for various reasons and needs to be restarted.There are four ways the game can be restarted: a scrum, a lineout, a 22 drop-out, and a halfway drop-off at the start of each half or after a score. There are many intricacies with each of these. For now, just think of them as ways of getting the game going again.

2 Generally speaking, players must stay on their own side of the pitch:you can't throw or kick the ball to a teammate standing in front of you. If a player inadvertently ends up on the wrong side, they are usually "dealt with" by the opposition.

3 The ref is always right– or, put another way, the ref will never change his mind, so best to get on with it.

4 Scrum: takes a long time to set up:crouch, touch, pause, engage. All very tedious as it collapses for the fifth time. The ref usually hasn't a clue what's going on and often penalises each prop in turn to keep them all on their toes.

5 Lineout: it all looks terribly complicatedand works off special calls, so that a team knows where the ball is going and the opposition are kept guessing.

6 Ruck/maul: the most difficult area to police. You can't bring down a maul (I believe). That is to say that as players are standing on their feet and moving forward, you cannot collapse it. A ruck is more akin to a scrap for a sixpence on the ground when you were a kid – no rules, arms and legs everywhere. Just get that fecking ball and kill anyone in your way.

The pitch

1 The in-goal area– the patch of grass between the try line and the end line (called the dead-ball line).

2 The "22" –the area between the try line and the 22m line. Any kick from this can be put straight into touch. If a player is outside his 22, then any kick must bounce before it goes into touch; otherwise play is brought back to where the kicker was standing.

3 The rest of the pitchis open field, and there are no specific rules for this area (although my own rule was always to avoid bigger chaps where possible).

Scoring

1 Try:the act of grounding the ball in the opponents' in-goal area. In the old days, the try scorer headed straight back to his own half, all very manly and proper. In recent times, teammates have started hugging and back-slapping the try scorer.

2 Conversion:a kick at goal after a try, taken from a spot perpendicular to where the try was scored. The opposition can run at the kicker once he starts moving – though this may not achieve anything other than releasing some frustration after the try.

3 Penalty:a kick at goal after an infringement. The ref determines which side gets penalised the most. Coaches and players spend a lot of time and energy understanding how a particular ref will interpret the rules, then adjusting their game, calling the ref "Sir", etc.

4 Drop goal:hardly ever used by some teams, such as the All Blacks, this is when, in open play, a kicker drop-kicks the ball over the bar. Can be vital near the end of the game.

Kevin Mc Donough is a former player with Skerries and UCD rugby clubs, and a contributor to the UCD Rugby Club website, ucdrugby.com