Favourites tumble on the piste

January is not a pleasant month in the staffroom. The weather forces teachers to start their journeys to school earlier in the morning - there is a barrage of coughing and sneezing and extra classes to be covered for 'flu victims.

Mary brings her own mug to school as one way of combating the germs. "I don't know what kind of germ would live with her anyway," mutters Pat as he waits patiently in line as Mary goes through the ritual sterilising of her mug.

Tom who lost all his free classes due to Patricia having a relapse of the 'flu is having one of his "senior" moments. He believes that the more senior members of staff should have time out during the day free of the trivial chit-chat that often permeates the staffroom. So when he is seen barely visible behind his Irish Times the rest whisper, "Tom is having one of his senior moments".

Jane doesn't seem to possess any winter clothes. She appears from the first touch of November frost to the buds of May in the same leg-warmers and woolly jumper that she bought when we last had snow. She is affectionately known as "CC" (cure for concupiscence).

When John and Trish got married during the Hallowe'en break and she appeared at the "afters" in a little black number the staffroom wag was heard to remark, "please God let it snow again - soon!".

John reminds all who care to listen that Easter this year is the latest that it can be in the calendar. This results in the longest possible term before Easter and the shortest possible term after Easter. John is very logical.

He is also very interested in horses, which explains his interest in what day of the week St Patrick's Day falls this year. With St Patrick's Day falling on a Friday the chances of John making it to Cheltenham for a three-in-a-row are remote.

So he has prepared a proposal to have two short mid-term breaks with one making the St Patrick's weekend a little longer - say from Wednesday. "All in the interest of staff morale," he urges, as he canvasses support for the next staff meeting.

Jane, who automatically opposes anything John proposes and who proclaims her opinion of men with a car sticker that reads, "Grow your own dope - plant a man", is not for turning. She has her ski holiday booked for the original dates - so it will be a case of Jane on the piste while John watches the favourites tumble at Cheltenham on his TV.