Bluff your way in spa speak

BALNEO-WHAT? Most spas offer a core of treatments that include massage, facials, body exfoliation, body wraps and massaging …

BALNEO-WHAT? Most spas offer a core of treatments that include massage, facials, body exfoliation, body wraps and massaging baths and showers (often called and Vichy shower). The latter two involve someone putting you into the relevant machine and letting the water jets do the work, so if you want more human contact, avoid these.

A good offers optimum human contact, but they can be disappointingly ineffectual, even in some of the classiest spas. Mona Klofver-Conway at the K Club spa is excellent (€110 one hour, €60 for 30 minutes). She says: "Pretty walls are pointless if the right team of staff isn't in place." You can specify a light or firm massage. As a few massage therapists have told me, it's difficult to gauge without asking: muscley men can be surprisingly sensitive, apparently.

Body wraps are designed to fill you with essential minerals, derived from the product you're being wrapped in (peat, mud or seaweed for example), but involve an hour of being plastered in gunk and wrapped in plastic.

All-over body exfoliation produces the tangible result of smooth skin, along with a calming time in a treatment room. This can be messy. In small salons the exfoliator will be wiped off as you lie there; in better equipped salons you'll nip into a shower in the corner of the room, while in the plush spas you'll be washed off in a special shower room. Facials vary - a few years ago you'd be hard pushed to see the point of them as they involve the stuff you can do fairly easily at home such as cleanse, tone, exfoliate, mask, moisturiser. Now they can include foot and head massages, and arm stretches.

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THE PRODUCTS

The rise in spas worldwide has seen a corresponding expansion in the number of spa products. The companies behind them are very hands-on.

If a spa wants to use certain products, the staff have to be trained in how to use them. Dr Hauschka's training takes about a week, and involves facials which include being stroked by bristles to stimulate the lymphatic system. Companies such as E'SPA are often involved in the design of the spa itself. Most spa products come with a healthy tranche of natural ingredients. There's no point in being detoxified if you're then coated in chemical-laced products.

THE ETIQUETTE

A word of warning about many spa treatments - they involve stripping off - with just a pair of paper knickers to cover your modesty, and some of these are skimpy. Be prepared to bare your top half - therapists are very cool and professional about this, but then they're not the ones stripped to the waist.