Breast cancer: ‘Tears, fear, anxiety, disbelief and feeling numb — a whole smorgasbord going on at once’

When Barbara Blue (48) found a lump in her breast in June, 2022, she assumed it was a cyst, as her sisters are “prone to getting them”. As a precaution, she went to her GP anyway and was referred to a breast clinic, but due to a backlog, she didn’t get an appointment until the end of September. During this time, the lump grew quite large and visible, but she still didn’t have any concerns, despite there being a “high history of breast cancer” in her family.

“I went for what I thought would be a quick appointment for a mammogram and ended up also having an ultrasound, biopsies taken, and a titanium chip inserted in the lump,” she says. “Again, this was something that one of my sisters had done so I wasn’t overly concerned and was just glad they were being extra cautious.

“I was asked to come back the following Friday and although that made me a little anxious, I figured that if it was something sinister, they would tell me to bring someone with me. But once I arrived and was brought straight through, I wasn’t prepared for what came next —the consultant and breast care nurse were both present and I was told that I had Triple Negative Breast Cancer, Grade 3 and Stage 3. I was so stunned that I was numb at first and couldn’t process it properly.

The wait was horrible — they kept trying to get me in quicker, so I was on ‘standby’ and had to be ready to start at any time

“The doctor went through the prospective treatment plan which involved 20 weeks of chemo, followed by surgery and then radiotherapy. I was absolutely floored. I asked some questions and don’t recall the answers. Then, when the consultant left the room and I was left with the lovely nurse, Liz, I made eye contact with her and burst into tears. She asked if there was anyone with me and I said I hadn’t realised I would need someone, so she called my sister, Karen who said she’d be straight over.

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“As I waited, I went out to sit in my car to try and process everything. It was my daughter’s 21st birthday — how could I tell her this on her birthday? I was going through a rollercoaster of emotions, tears, fear, anxiety, disbelief and feeling numb — a whole smorgasbord going on at once.”

Once the senior financial analyst had broken the news to her family, it was time to get ready for the gruelling treatment programme ahead, but despite gearing herself up for it, a long waiting list meant that, despite her cancer being “very aggressive”, she was told her treatment may not begin for seven weeks.

“The wait was horrible — they kept trying to get me in quicker, so I was on ‘standby’ and had to be ready to start at any time,” she says. “I felt so bad having to tell my job that I was going to be out for so long, but they honestly couldn’t have been nicer or more supportive, which really helped ease a lot of my anxiety and I’ll be forever grateful to them for it.

“I started chemo on November 7th and as I’d been told I would lose my hair, I organised wigs, but I ended up being too sick and uncomfortable to wear them. On week three I had a severe reaction to the treatment, so they had to make some changes and thankfully that worked — but I had a lot of unpleasant side effects and was extremely ill at one stage [during a particular type of chemo] to the point that leaving my bed to go to the bathroom had me shaking and crying — I know everyone has different reactions, but for me, this one was particularly horrendous.”

my cancer was triple negative — so it wasn’t hormonal — and I had to be tested to see what gene may have caused it

The Galway woman finished chemotherapy on April 18th and despite further setbacks followed by “various IV [intravenous] antibiotics, fluids and a blood transfusion”, she was back on her feet in May. And, together with her daughter and two sisters, she went to visit her brother in Germany. But the chemotherapy was only part of the programme and once it was finished, she had to have further tests, followed by surgery and radiotherapy.

“As my cancer was triple negative — so it wasn’t hormonal — and I had to be tested to see what gene may have caused it,” she says. “Thankfully, I do not have the [mutated] BRCA gene — but they didn’t manage to discover what was the cause. Because I was negative for this, my surgery was a lumpectomy [the tumor and a small amount of surrounding tissue are removed] and sentinel lymph node removal, which I had on June 2nd.

“This all went well and when they tested everything that they had removed, they were able to tell me that the chemo had done its job and it looked like I was now clear of the breast cancer. It felt very emotional hearing that, even though I still had radiotherapy to do as maintenance, every weekday for 20 sessions up until September 18th, 2023.

“I found the radiotherapy to be tiring and a bit uncomfortable, mostly due to getting musculoskeletal neuropathy from it after about two weeks, which apparently doesn’t always happen. My skin was a bit sensitive, but it was nowhere near the same level as chemo, so all was fine and manageable.”

I am now done with treatment, and it feels very surreal to have come to the end of such a journey as it’s been so all-encompassing for the past year that it’s hard to know how to ‘leave it behind’ so to speak

Breast cancer is the most common form of cancer affecting females in Ireland, with almost 3,400 women (and almost 30 men) diagnosed here each year.

However, despite the fact that one in nine women will develop breast cancer during their lifetime, many are unaware of the warning signs, which makes campaigns such as the Irish Cancer Society’s Big Pink Breakfast during October (which is Breast Cancer Awareness month) so important. Funds raised (see cancer.ie/pinkbreakfast) will support breast cancer research and services across Ireland. “I would urge people to please help in any way possible, big, or small,” says Blue. “Be it a small breakfast at home with family and friends who can donate a little, or bigger events at your workplace perhaps — every bit helps towards such a fantastic cause.

“I am now done with treatment, and it feels very surreal to have come to the end of such a journey as it’s been so all-encompassing for the past year that it’s hard to know how to ‘leave it behind’ so to speak. Triple negative is one of the highest recurring breast cancers, so I know I’ll always have a certain amount of anxiety about that, but I don’t plan to spend too much time dwelling on that either, if possible.

“My next step is to try and give my body, and mind, time to build up a bit of strength again before I return to work in a few months’ time — because as hard as a journey like this is on the body, it’s equally hard on the mind. There are times I feel like I still haven’t fully processed having cancer, even after all the sickness, treatment, baldness, no eyebrows, and everything else that came with it.

“People are quick to say that I can now put this behind me, but I’m not sure that I can … That’s not to say that I plan on dwelling on it, or am constantly thinking about it as I plan to live as best I can going forward, but it has been a very huge event in my life, and not sure it’s something I’ll just ‘put behind me now’. But I will remember it always and I hope in one way it gives me better perspective on how to deal with future problems in life — and perhaps learn that things can always be scarier or worse. I will try to take strength from the experience wherever possible and be more grateful of the things I may have just taken for granted before.

“Cancer is a horrible scary godawful disease — and it steals so much from a person. But for those of us lucky enough to survive it, it’s a reason to be grateful evermore for having fought and won.”

Symptoms of breast cancer

• A change in size or shape of your breast such as one breast becoming larger than the other.

• A change in the direction or shape of your nipple, especially if it sinks into your breast or becomes irregular in shape.

• A change in the skin on or around the nipple such as a rash or flaky or crusted skin.

• An unusual discharge (liquid) from one or both of your nipples.

• Swelling in your breast or armpit or around your collarbone.

• A lump or thickening in your breast.

• A change in the skin such as puckering, ridges or dimpling (like orange peel) or redness.

• Constant pain in one part of your breast or armpit.

• Soreness or warmth (inflammatory breast cancer).

• A red scaly rash on one nipple, which may itch or burn (Paget’s disease of the breast).

• Breast pain alone is rarely a symptom of breast cancer.