All rise, again

QUIDNUNC: The Taoiseach has refused to debate his abortion referendum, and it is very much his, with Michael Noonan

QUIDNUNC: The Taoiseach has refused to debate his abortion referendum, and it is very much his, with Michael Noonan. While few expected he would take up the challenge (public speaking is not his strength) there is annoyance among the Opposition in Leinster House that he appears also to be avoiding the subject on the floor of the Dáil.

Both Noonan and Ruairí Quinn have criticised him for this but Bertie Ahern answered that he was not going to reply every day to questions on the referendum. The only place a taoiseach can be confronted head-to-head by the Opposition is during the daily Order of Business.

On Tuesday, he left it to Mary Harney, while he met the Hungarian prime minister. Fine Gael objected to the lack of notice and accused him not only of refusing to face them but of deliberately limiting the number of Dáil sitting days and Taoiseach's Questions between now and May so he can avoid having to explain himself on abortion and on a whole range of election topics.

So what is the position? Well, the Dáil is due to rise for St Patrick's Day on Thursday March 7th or 8th. It will not return until Wednesday, March 20th. Then it gets up for Easter a week later on March 28th. Members are due back, if an election is not called in the meantime, on Wednesday, April 17th. The Opposition says opportunities for confronting the Taoiseach and, as they see it, exposing his weakness in certain areas, and thus gaining ground for themselves, are being deliberately limited. They are angry. They believe pinning him down is their only chance of gaining points and the only place they can do that is the Dáil.

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But why does the Taoiseach want this divisive referendum with its legal uncertainty and endless rowing?

He says he feels strongly about it and that he had made a promise to put the matter to the people. The cynics say it has more to do with heading off anti-abortion candidates in May and ensuring that, should he need them when a new government is formed, the old reliable Independents cannot say he reneged on his commitment. Regardless of the result, and it looks like No, many believe this will not be the end of abortion referendums. If they lose, the anti-abortion lobby, as before, will demand to go to the country again. If they win, they will want another referendum to turn the clock back even further. After all, the Vatican doesn't approve of pre-implantation contraception. Will Ahern continue to agree more referendums?

Dido's PD connections

Dido, the highest-earning female pop star in Britain this year and winner of two Brit Awards, is an O'Malley from Limerick and a second cousin of Fiona O'Malley, PD candidate in Dún Laoghaire. Dido's grandmother was Maeve O'Malley, whose son, Bill Armstrong (Dido's father), is a first cousin of PD deputy Des O'Malley. Fiona O'Malley says she knows Dido and her brother, Rollo Armstrong, well from family holidays in Limerick and Connemara and from when she worked in London. At a 1994 family wedding in Adare, Fiona O'Malley sang her party piece, Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights, with her usual gusto. Dido also sang. Everyone now remembers O'Malley and her song. No one has any recollection of Dido singing. Dido, it was reported this week, has amassed a £10 million sterling fortune from the sales of one album No Angel. Could she be persuaded to join the PDs?

The green globe

St Patrick's weekend is coming and politicians are preparing to fly the green flag in all corners of the globe. The President, Mrs McAleese will be in New York, accompanied by Tom Kitt. The Taoiseach is going to Washington, as usual, and Chicago, but the festivities have been brought forward several days as he has to be at the Barcelona summit. With Charlie McCreevy and Brian Cowen in Spain on March 15th and 16th, the world will be well covered.

Mary Harney goes to Scotland, Michael Woods to South Africa, John O'Donoghue to Paris, Noel Dempsey to Manchester, Joe Walsh to Birmingham, Mary O'Rourke to Norway, James McDaid to Canada, Frank Fahey to Boston and Michael McDowell to Los Angeles. Both Michael Smith, who will be in Hong Kong and Shanghai, and Dermot Ahern, who goes to Singapore and Malaysia, will attend functions on the LE Niamh the gunboat we are sending to the Far East to woo, rather than frighten, the natives.

Junior ministers are also on tour. Dan Wallace is going to Moscow, Bobby Molloy to San Antonio, Texas, Seamus Brennan to London, Noel Davern to New Zealand, Martin Cullen to Australia, Mary Hanafin to Chicago and Eoin Ryan to San Francisco. Former ministers David Andrews and Michael O'Kennedy are representing us in Savannah, Georgia and Rome respectively.

In political circles, they're saying that the safer your seat the further you will travel for the festivities. There's something wrong with the above list then.

No to doorstepper

Labour's Derek McDowell was canvassing for a No vote in his Dublin North Central constituency. On one doorstep a No-voter told him: "When Our Lady appeared in Lourdes she came as the Immaculate Conception not as the immaculate implantation."

Alternative oscars

Fine Gael's Alan Shatter awarded eight Oscars to the Government at his party's ardfheis last weekend.

Best movie went to Charlie Haughey for Lord of the Rings: "an epic drama portraying the unbridled greed and obsession with power of a Napoleonic figure and the extraordinary tale of the amnesia suffered by his chief whip and other devoted followers after his departure from political life".

Second were Bertie Ahern and Mary Harney in Fatal Attraction 2 which "portrays how a supposedly independently-

minded political icon, immune from criticism and reproach, falls under the political spell of a person lost in a multi-million pound (or euro) field of dreams desperately in search of middle earth.

A brief cameo appearance is madeby the current AG who plays the role of the President, a part of little substance.

In third place is John O'Donoghue, in Zero Tolerance 3: "a political epic about how violence on our streets and fear in the community is tolerated and totally ignored".

Fourth place goes to Liam Lawlor in Jerry Maguire 2, in which the hero repetitively utters the line "show me the money".

Fifth is Noel O'Flynn in Zero Tolerance 2: "an inflammatory and dangerous new insight into a politically cute and dishonest general election slogan".

In sixth place is Ray Burke in Godfather IV - the Return of Don Corleone and the Search for Frank Dunlop. Movie number seven is Harry Potter and the Mystery Bank Account - an Endearing Flight of Fantasy and Return to Earth in Ansbacherland starring Denis Foley.

Finally, his eighth award goes to Ned O'Keeffe in Animal Farm 2 - The Pig Feed Bone Meal Sequel.

Taking the fun out of the count

The Minister for the Environment, Noel Dempsey, is being called a spoilsport and he admits it's true. It's all about his plans for electronic voting in three constituencies in the coming election: Dublin North, Dublin West and his own Meath (and in all thereafter).

It means no tallymen, no assessment of the boxes, no random picking of votes for distribution, no suspense as each count progresses, no anguished candidates, no long counts and little material for political or academic research later. So why are we having it?

Because, the Minister told the Association of European Journalists on Wednesday, it is more efficient, more economical, more accurate and it enhances our reputation as a forward-

looking, IT-fluent country. He admits that the drama and bloodsport will be gone, but says it will be easier on candidates.

Many politicians, however, are very sad at the demise of the old system. They will miss the fun, they said, but also fear it will add to the lack of interest in politics.

Even non-voters follow the results in the media for the human drama and excitement and hundreds turn up at count centres. With the full result available in a couple of hours, interest is bound to wane. Dempsey expects that if polling stations close at 9 p.m., final results from the three chosen constituencies will come by midnight. The remaining 38 won't be declaring for nearly another 24 hours or even longer.

The Socialist deputy for Dublin West, Joe Higgins, has written to Dempsey raising other concerns, including possible malfunction distorting the outcome. He also feels that inadequate education or computer skills could keep people away and thus candidates with support from certain sections of the electorate could benefit.