Mary Magdalene singing Ever Fallen In Love With Someone You Shouldn't Have Fallen In Love With?; Jesus singing Love Will Tear Us Apart; Judas weighing in with Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now and Pontius Pilate going a cappela on Wonderwall. It sounds like a Manchester Christian grouping have been at the lysergic acid, but it's all real and it's all going to happen live tonight on the streets of Manchester, as the Passion Play meets Madchester.
Other highlights will include Jesus and Judas duetting on Blue Monday and an ensemble version of James's Sit Down. The only off-note here seems to be the Virgin Mary doing M People's Search For A Hero.
At 9pm tonight, actors playing the main parts in the Passion Play will begin a one-hour procession through the streets of Manchester. In the city's central Albert Square, a 16-piece orchestra will provide live accompaniment and giant television screens will relay all the action to a watching crowd. Keith Allen will narrate and, at the end of the procession, everyone will congregate in Albert Square for the Crucifixion scene. The whole event, called Manchester Passion, is being carried live on the BBC.
Given the music involved - and the desire to weld the Passion Play to a contemporary setting - they might have been better off staging the final scene at the Hacienda Club (or where it used to be) or the extant Salford Lads' Club.
This radical retelling of the Passion Play has Darren Morfitt (from 55 Degrees North) as Jesus and, keeping with the musical theme, Tim Booth (ex-lead singer of James) is playing Judas. The original idea was to get Madchester figures such as Ian Brown, Johnny Marr, and Bernard Sumner to play the main characters, but, given that it's live and has a huge budget, the producers went with professionals instead. There is still a chance, though, that Barabbas will be played by Bez.
Given the nature of the show, you would have thought that it originated from the youth/popular music division of the station, but it's actually from the religious affairs/classical music division. The man behind the show, Adam Kemp, has also been responsible for the Proms in the Park and the hugely successful Flashmob: The Opera - a live opera staged among commuters in London.
"We are excited by the possibility of introducing a new audience to the rich history of the Passion Plays," says Kemp. "We're looking forward to involving the people of Manchester in this moving live event and hopefully encouraging them to look on familiar songs with fresh eyes." It's certainly the right city to stage it in - there's been more than a few Judases in the Manchester music scene over the years.
Darren Morfitt will not be taking any form of "method" approach in his portrayal of Jesus. "It's not a case of having long flowing locks and a white gown," he says. "It's not even a case of looking 'holy'. It's more about finding a way to express thought processes and emotion. And the fact that it's live and at street level means anything could happen." Especially with Bez as Barabbas, one fears.
Given how some Christians reacted to the staging of Jerry Springer: The Opera, it's instructive how the BBC's classical music division has gone about the staging of Manchester Passion. A group called Christian Voice - with unasked-for support from the British National Party - tried to get theatres across the UK to refuse to stage the Springer show. Certain church figures were wheeled out to denounce the show as blasphemous. This time, however, the producers involved church figures from the earliest meetings. They explained what they wanted to do and how they were going to do it. Not that the Passion Play belongs to any particular Christian grouping.
Given how seriously everyone is taking this, you can't rule out a soundtrack album and a touring version of the event.
This certainly sounds a lot more appealing than a lot of the rubbish being staged in this country over the next few months.
Manchester Passion is on BBC3 at 9pm tonight.