How to strike up a conversation with a Martian in your neighbourhood

WHAT’S THE proper conversation starter when greeting an alien? How about, “This is Earth speaking

WHAT’S THE proper conversation starter when greeting an alien? How about, “This is Earth speaking. We would like to know you. Please reply.” Less gracious but perhaps more honest, you might offer: “Down here we are all confused.” And by the way, if you do come for a visit, please: “Don’t kidnap us and poke us. We hate that.”

These are all authentic suggestions for how we might go about opening a dialogue with an alien civilisation.

During the past few decades, the search for life beyond our planet has focused almost exclusively on trying to find a signal in space from an intelligent civilisation. Such searches are becoming increasingly sophisticated. The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence Institute (Seti), the world’s best-known organisation dedicated to the search for alien life, recently unveiled plans to scan one million stars over 10 billion communication channels at its Hat Creek radio telescope facility in California.

Now, the private organisation has launched a companion project called “Earth Speaks” that asks space enthusiasts around the world to think about what we should say when, or if, we finally get that cosmic phone call.

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Seti director Jill Tarter, a lifelong alien hunter, says there is no simple answer. But it is vital, she said, that there be a global consensus on what we say and do before it happens.

Based on the first few hundred suggestions collected by the Earth Speaks website, that consensus might be elusive. So far, the messages break down into a few distinct categories.

Some want to throw a party to welcome the aliens. Others, less trusting, would warn the aliens that we’ve got guns and know how to use them. Another group, possibly influenced by having seen too many films, would have us hide under the bed until they go away. “If we discover intelligent life beyond earth, we should not reply – we should freeze and play dead,” wrote one contributor.

There is a fourth category of people who simply refuse to take the whole idea seriously. One tongue-in-cheek writer suggests we broadcast: “There’s nothing to see here. Move along.”

The first serious effort to contact intelligent life outside Earth was made in 1974, using the radio telescope at Arecibo, Puerto Rico. The three-minute transmission by a group at Cornell University attempted to describe Earth and its inhabitants in binary code.

Over the past few years, a Russian group has sent greetings in Russian and English to targeted stars in our galactic neighbourhood, generating a major dust-up in the small but passionate Seti community. Critics say the Russians are acting out of turn, without asking permission to open what would amount to diplomatic relations with another civilisation. The problem is that nobody has the authority to grant permission.

Ms Tarter acknowledges that there is plenty of reason to be cautious about replying to an alien signal. "We're in an asymmetric position," she said. "We don't know if there are other civilisations out there, but if there are, we can be pretty sure we are the youngest." – ( LA Times-Washington Postservice)