Dáil Sketch: Enda and Eamon blow birthday candles – and their own trumpets

Now we are three. Enda and Eamon went out for a nice spin to celebrate. “Lovely spring day,” said Enda.

“This is the moment,” said Eamon. The sun shone on Government Buildings. A rare occurrence – sunshine being one of the few things the Taoiseach and Tánaiste don’t blame on Fianna Fáil. And they were expecting a little bit of stardust later on to add to their general air of contentment.

Bill Clinton was due to call. They adore American presidents – past or present. And Bill is a particular favourite. What better way to mark three years as a Coalition couple? Why wouldn’t they want to celebrate with a little spin and a few nice photos? It’s not like they get much of a chance to stand together and announce to the world all the fiscal wonders they have fashioned since first getting together. It might seem like the Taoiseach and Tánaiste are singing their own praises every other week, but that’s only because they, erm, are.

Yesterday marked another milestone along the Government's timeline of gamechangers, watersheds and seismic shifts. And it was another chance for Kenny and Gilmore to look back in sorrow again to those awful years when the country was in tatters and our international reputation was being dragged through the mud and we were about to fall off a cliff.

Hard work

So they stood once more outside

Government Buildings to deliver a progress report on the state of the nation. Ireland is moving forward. This may be due to global warming, or, as the Coalition leaders assured the media at lunchtime yesterday, it is because of the all hard work they have put in. Enda, in a sign of his commitment to reviving the construction industry, said he was “focussing on the three main pillars” and introducing “another Pathways to Work”. Eamon explained the first half of the Coalition’s time in charge was taken up with “solving the crisis”.

Now they are into the second period and “delivering for the people”.

It would be easy to say the Taoiseach and Tánaiste have been overdoing it a little with their constant round of good-news updates, recycled “job activation” strategies and major media announcements.

Later in the day, a most touching vignette outside Government Buildings happened as an evening chill set in and, next door in Leinster House, the Opposition was heaping scorn on the Coalition during a debate thrillingly entitled "Statements on the Government's Priorities for the Year Ahead".

Bill Clinton
This three-day discussion is the

Government’s idea, to mark

its third birthday and trumpet its achievements. As a gift to themselves, they have cleared the decks in the Dáil for three days so deputies from all sides can talk to themselves for the rest of the week. It had just gone 6pm. Enda was out again on the steps of Government Buildings, waiting to greet a guest. He was a long time in the cold without his top coat.

Then, in the gathering twilight, an elderly gentleman with white hair and a grey sports jacket walked through the gates towards the steps. He had a big smile on his face. “I got to walk across the street” he said, when within earshot of Enda. “It was great!”

The Taoiseach was mightily impressed. And, as this is a week for spreading good news, he turned to the perished journalists restrained behind a rope and shouted: "He said he enjoyed walking across the street!" Bless. The two men shook hands after this achievement. It was quite emotional.
Everyone was delighted for Bill Clinton, including Bill Clinton. It seems he doesn't get out much and the toddle across the road from the Merrion Hotel to Government Buildings was one of the highlights of his day.

“Mr President, Sir!” burbled a delighted Taoiseach, welcoming the former president of the United States inside for a chat.

Meanwhile, back in Leinster House the talking continued. “The whole week, by the way, is a farce,” said Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin, “that we should have to spend three days backslapping the Government.”

People Before Profit TD Richard Boyd Barrett put it all in perspective: “Let me summarise the Taoiseach and Tánaiste’s speech: ‘Blah, blah, blah, blah. Mumble, mumble. Blah, blah, blah. Mumble, mumble. Success.’ What a load of bulls**t!”

He was told to watch his language. Dinner with Bill would have been much better fun.