The players all know who the cheats are

IN his more serious writings on golf, P G Wodehouse made reference to the emergence of the cloven hoof." There were cheats, apparently, even in his idyllic world. But could it happen in the British Open here at Royal Lytham this weekend? Could some dastardly clever cheat, elude the pervasive television camera lens, quite apart from the prying eyes of thousands of spectators?

He would be running an extremely grave risk. Yet there is growing evidence of cheating on the USPGA tour, where the culprit faces similar dangers of exposure. For instance, the highly respected Nick Price has claimed: "There are two (players) I know of for sure on tour who cheat, and many others who I have come across in my travels."

Price's accusation is particularly interesting in the context of criticism levelled against Tom Watson earlier this year for his sinister claim that: "We know who they are." It came during a playing visit to Australia last winter, when he went on to tell a Melbourne interviewer: "The game (golf) is a game of integrity, but you are talking about money and you're talking about livelihoods.

Ben Crenshaw also acknowledged its existence when he said: "Cheating is the absolute worst thing on tour, period. It's like the people who play golf are one big family, and once you get cast out of the family, there's no way to get back in."

Interestingly, it is rare that such claims are made regarding the European Tour, which is not to suggest that the problem doesn't exist. From the very grassroots of the game, at club level, it is apparent that there are certain individuals with a fundamental character flaw, which predisposes them to cheating. And there is no reason to suppose that the professional game, with so much at stake, is any different.

One of the most publicised allegations about cheating in the European game in recent years, concerned the Scottish professional David Robertson. During qualifying at Prince's for the 1985 British Open, he was disqualified by the Royal and Ancient for allegedly playing his ball from a wrong place.

The PGA later banned him for 20 years and fined him £20,000, allegedly for cheating. Now 39 and a reinstated amateur, Robertson has always denied the charge. In fact after a lapse of 11 years, he made his return to R and A competition in the British Amateur at Turnberry last month, when he failed to qualify.

Meanwhile, we are familiar with the irritating indiscretions which are caused more by carelessness than any attempt at gaining advantage. For instance, in the US Open some years ago, American professional Loo Hinkle seemed to stand sentinel over a young Seve Ballesteros on every green.

When asked to explain his actions, Hinkle said afterwards: "He is a great young player but he is going to have to learn to mark his ball like a professional." Ballesteros quickly learned the ropes and has long since been accepted as a fearsome but eminently fair rival. Unlike the cheats of whom Price concluded: "Once you do it, the guys all know who you are. Forever."

It could be the ultimate put down of spin doctors. John Karish, a republican from Ohio, was asked what he thought of the US budget presentation. "Oh, those guys are so good at spin control they could convince Greg Norman that he won the Masters, " he replied.

STEVEN REID, the captain of Royal Lytham and St Annes, appears to be enjoying his week enormously. Born in England of Irish parents and educated in Dublin, his equilibrium may have something to do with a particularly wicked sense of humour, evidence of which is to be found in the club's year books.

In the current issue, he turned his attention to talking grass. No, not that stuff: Reid happens to be a respected medical doctor. Rather is he concerned at fielding questions like: "Is your fescue bent?" Which can be disconcerting "even if a glance downwards assures you that your attire is not in a state of disarray. Then with horror, it dawns on you - they are talking grass."

He goes on: "I remember the first time I found myself in the presence of grassmen. I came in on the end of a conversation as a large Gin and Tonic asked: When did you ever see a Yorkshire Fog like that?"

"A silence fell that I quickly realised was going to last forever unless I chipped in. Before my brain knew what my mouth was doing, I was trilling away. Last week I was coming back from Harrogate and it was so dense that day the visibility must have been less than 10 yards."

"My voice tailed into nothingness as I was pierced by a quiver of steely glances. Then, as one body the several owners of the eyes arose and drifted away. As he passed me, the last member of the group paused, gently rested a hand on my slumped shoulder and murmured `We were talking grass, old boy'."

After some deliberation, Reid decided that the only solution was to face such coves armed with mysterious Latin names for hybrid grasses like Agrostis capillaris and Poa pratensis. He suggests that the latter name may equally be applied to the grassman himself. In the meantime, he wishes the world, of grassmen, "Close cuttings."

"IF your dear old aunt was visiting, you'd make a damn good cup of tea, but if the Queen were coming, you'd do it a wee bit differently." That is how Jimmy McDonald, Lytham's 62 year old head greenkeeper, described his preparation of the course for the 125th British Open which, incidentally, will be his last.

"I'm led to believe that I'm the only living greenkeeper to have had both the Ryder Cup and the Open Championship," he said. "I'd have loved the Walker Cup, which would have completed the set. I'm sure we'd have done it well and there would have been a good chance of a home victory, given that no American, other than Bobby Jones, has ever won the Open at Lytham."

Contemplating his swansong, he concluded: "I feel I've just walked off the 17th and I haven't had many double bogeys. I haven't had many birdies either. You could say I'm about level par." Which is a highly acceptable score around Lytham.

BACK in 1931, when Charles Whitcombe was set to captain the British team, a Ryder Cup trial was held at Lytham, prior to the matches with the Americans, led by Walter Hagen, at Scioto, Columbus. As an experiment, it was decided to use what was then the new, larger sized American ball.

In a strong easterly wind, however, even the longest hitters had trouble getting it to travel 200 yards. So, at the end of the experiment, everyone concluded that the 1.68in ball would never catch on in these islands.

By a remarkable coincidence, Lytham was again the chosen venue when, in 1974, the R and A made a volte face on this touchy issue: for the first time, the larger sized American ball became compulsory in the British Open. Now, 65 years after that pre war experiment, the small ball has become part of golfing history.

As it happens, Lytham led the way in other, crucial developments in the game notably in golf watching. In 1926, for instance, it was the first championship at which gate money was charged. In 1958, the British Open was televised for the first time from Lytham and in 1969, the first colour pictures of the tournament were transmitted from the Lancashire links.

Meanwhile, the 1963 Open at Lytham saw the first free spectator stands, which were considered necessary because of the flatness of the terrain. And when Tony Jacklin was surging to victory in 1969, the crowds could keep abreast of happenings through the first up to the minute scoreboards.

IN BRIEF: Eilish McCahey created quite a stir at Hermitage last Tuesday by winning the Captain's (Tom Dixon) Prize for the ladies, with two up in difficult conditions. Her achievement was notable on two counts. She is aged 77 and was the winner of the equivalent prize at Bray GC back in 1940 before joining Hermitage a year later. "My ambition is to get my handicap down to 25," she said.

TEASER: Something of this nature could happen here at Lytham: A player plays a stroke from the putting green and, while the ball is still in motion, a spectator deliberately deflects or stops it. What is the ruling?

ANSWER: The committee must act in equity (If the referee or committee determines that a player's ball has been purposely deflected or stopped by an outside agency, Rule 1-4 applies to the player. If the outside agency is a fellow competitor or his caddie, Rule 1-2 applies to the fellow competitor). The stroke should be cancelled, the ball replaced and the stroke replayed, without penalty.