So just what kind of GAA supporter are you?
10 multiple choice questions (it’s a precise science, honest)
1 – You attend intercounty matches . . .
A) during the summer – so long as the team are going well, the weather forecast is good, you have seated covered stand tickets, you’re not doing anything else and, well, everyone else you know is going.
B) as often as you can – which means most senior championship games, as well as the odd league and underage match.
C) whenever they’re on and wherever they’re played. You once missed a wedding cause it clashed with a match. The sister still hasn’t forgiven you.
2 –You take holidays . . .
A) during the summer. What kind of mad question is that?
B) whenever suits, though you always book the Monday after All-Ireland final day off because, you know, just in case the county makes it.
C) only during the GAA’s off-season. The last off-season was during the 2001 foot-and-mouth outbreak.
3 – Would you name your newborn after
a GAA player?
A) you’re joking, right?
B) you suggested it, but the other half shot you down – though you’re pretty sure your child will thank you for the middle name “Gooch” – when she’s older.
C) you once offered the midwife a Premium Level ticket to delay the registration of the child until January 1st in order to secure an extra year playing at underage level.
She refused, because it was illegal, unethical and August.
4 – At a big GAA match you wear . . .
A) whatever you want to go out in later.
B) a jersey and flag when you were younger; jersey and headband (sometimes around the head) when a little older; now mostly just a team scarf.
C) a county jersey that was decommissioned at least three sponsorships ago, just so everyone knows your no bandwagon leaper.
5 – Your knowledge of GAA players is . . .
A) pathetic. Sometimes they wear helmets, sometimes they don’t. What’s that about?
B) average. You’d recognise most of the players on your own team, and the main ones from other sides.
C) matched only by the players’ mothers. You indepth knowledge of each player’s weekly routine would, under normal circumstances, ensure a restraining order.
But this is the GAA.
There are no hiding places.
6 – The best match you ever witnessed was . . .
A) Ross and Rachel.
B) one that you watched on tv, but the more you talk about it the more you convince, even yourself, that you were there.
C) an early season, junior c, divisional clash between neighbouring clubs that you’re proud that you attended – along with four other spectators. And that includes subs and linesmen.
7 – When you’re going to a match you always bring . . .
A) a good book.
B) the kids (the other half insists on it).
C) flash of tea, sandwiches, rain jacket, sports sections of at least three papers, soft sweets, hard sweets, cushion. The only thing you’ve ever forgotten at a big game is to breath.
8 – Your favourite player . . .
A) is the one who scored that goal . . . you know . . . that one . . . in the big game . . . in the cup maybe?
B) is regularly changing, depending on the last match – though everyone is allowed one bad performance, just not more than one.
C) has a younger sibling that’s going to be an even better player. The next 10 years can’t go quick enough, then the two of them can play senior together. Then we’ll show them.
9 – You like to get to big matches . . .
A) before the bar closes.
B) a little before the throw-in, but not
more than half an hour before. It’s a delicate balancing act that
often involves woefully underestimating match traffic and some light jogging.
C) so you can inspect the pitch before the referee arrives. You once got a match called off because the groundsman thought you were there in an official capacity. Your car is parked with the post-match rush in mind that would impress a bank robber’s get-away driver.
10 – If the GAA didn’t exist you’d . . .
A) have to half-understand the rules of a different sport.
B) you wouldn’t know half as much about what goes on in your own community.
C) sorry . . . but that question doesn’t make any sense.
You’re an insult even to fair-weather fans.
You inhabit the world of the average (ish) GAA fan.
You’re the reason the word ‘fan’ comes from ‘fanatic’.