Quotes of the week

"That was the last thing United would have wanted." - Big Ron Atkinson's expert speculation on how Manchester United might have felt after going a goal down to Panathinaikos in the Champions League. The wacky thing is: he gets paid for this. "I don't know what I hit the ball with, but it was not with my hand." - Real Madrid's Raul proves he doesn't know his farce from his hand-pass after that goal against Leeds. "I worry when I think about a Swede running the England team. I'm glad Sven Goran Eriksson made a name for himself outside his own country, because from what I know about the Swedes and their approach to football, England match crowds are in danger of being sent to sleep." - Brian Clough being Brian Clough. "Everyone knows that for us to get a penalty we need a certificate from the Pope and a letter from the Queen." - Alex Ferguson on Premiership referees' vendetta against his team. No, we didn't make it up.

"They've created this vast cauldron which would make a lot more noise if there were more people in it." - George Hamilton during the Porto-Liverpool game, as noted by Joseph Spooner. "Another of the objectives in the game was that Figo and Makelele should receive yellow cards so as to be clean for the quarter-finals - that was achieved." - Raul admits on his personal website that his team-mates got themselves deliberately booked against Leeds . . . despite his club's denial to UEFA who have launched an investigation. Big mouth.