Away from homeLusty congratulations to Wolves' Irish trio - Denis Irwin, Mark Kennedy (who scored on his 50th appearance for the club) and Paul Butler - for ruining Shay Given and Andy O'Brien's weekend by knocking Newcastle out of the FA Cup. The latter, though, can hardly feel as miserable as Lee Carsley, who had the misfortune to play his part in the round's monster shock, when Shrewsbury could beat Everton only by a single goal.
There wasn't much FA Cup romance, either, for Stephen Carr, Robbie Keane or Gary Doherty, who featured in Spurs' fairly pitiful 4-0 defeat by Southampton, for whom Rory Delap, yet again, looked more than half-decent in midfield.
A couple of Irish youngsters - Jonathan Douglas (Blackburn) and Mark Rossiter (Sunderland) - got run-outs in their team's respective third round ties, while Stephen Hunt (who got Brentford's winner against Derby), Andy Reid (one of Nottingham Forest's scorers in their 3-2 defeat by West Ham) and Alan Moore (a scorer for Burnley in their draw against Grimsby) were amongst the goals.
Loathsome poll
Those of you who were astounded to hear that Roy Keane was beaten to the Sports Personality of the Year award by Padraig Harrington last week will be pleased to learn that the Manchester United captain did, at least, top one poll at the end of 2002. Beating Mike Tyson, Naseem Hamed and Lee Bowyer, amongst others, Keane took the gong for the "most despised sporting celebrity" on the loathinglist.com website. Would love to see the faces of the folk behind the website if he turned up to collect his award.
Song of the week
"Yesterday, all my troubles they seemed here to stay, Now it looks as though they've gone away, Oh I believe in John O'Shea. Why Blanc has to play, I don't know, I couldn't say, He does nothing wrong, but how I long for John O'Shea-a-a-a."
- As penned by Pete Boyle, the man behind most Manchester United terrace tunes.
Devine intervention
Sean Devine - need we tell you - earned his one and only Republic of Ireland B cap five years ago and was hailed (for about a week) as the answer to all Ireland's goal-scoring troubles. His career, alas, never quite took off - although he did, many times: his travels have taken him to Millwall, Bromley, Fisher Athletic, Omonia Nicosia, Famagusta, Barnet, Wycombe Wanderers and, last week, Exeter City.
"We are delighted to have got Sean Devine on board, we are delighted to have such a quality player at the club and look forward to him getting on the scoresheet in the not too distant future," said Exeter co-chairman John Russell.
Why then, four days after signing Devine, was the club's official website carrying this message: "Exeter City Football Club are urgently looking for a quality striker. If you have the ability to fill this role then please contact the club on 01392 411243. This is a serious proposal as the club are looking to fill this position quickly."
"Gee, thanks," as Devine might put it.
Bobby Robson New Year special
"We can't replace Gary Speed. Where do you get an experienced player like him with a left foot and a head?"
- Where, indeed?
"Newcastle have always had a poor pitch in winter. We don't have the better weather. My lawn up here isn't as good as my lawn in Ipswich."
- Sounds like a job for Ground Force.
"Nobby Solano discharged himself from hospital after the Tottenham game and he's driving, living the life and aware of who he is."
- O. Kay.
Quotes of the week
"What do you expect from someone who looks like Red Rum?"
- Comedian Alan Simpson, explaining David Seaman's dodgy form last year.
"I would imagine for the first time in ages he will put his head on the pillow tonight and have a big smile on his face."
- Graeme Souness digs a little too deeply in to Matt Jansen's private life for our liking.
"He can jump on one of our planes and know there's not a guy sitting a few rows back with a bomb in his shoe."
- Birmingham City owner David Gold explaining why David Beckham uses his luxury airline, Gold Air.
"Liverpool need a Steely Dan kind of attitude."
- Phil Neal. Hmm. Some would argue that Liverpool already have a Steely Dan kind of attitude - namely: avoid entertaining your audience at all costs.
"As soon as you think you have turned a corner you end up hitting something coming around that corner."
- Leeds supremo Terry "the glass might be full, but in no time it'll be empty again" Venables, refusing to get excited after his team's dizzy, four-match winning run.
He's crocked, ref
Romanian fourth division side Steaua Nicolae Balcescu have been threatened with expulsion from their league after repeated pitch invasions, but chairman Alexandra Cringus reckons he's come up with a solution to the problem - he has applied to the local council for permission to install a crocodile-filled moat around the pitch.
"This is not a joke," he promised us, "we can get crocodiles easy enough and feed them on meat from the local abattoir" (or, indeed, stray fans from the terraces). "The ditch is planned to be wide enough that no one could manage to jump over it. Anyone who attempted to do so would have to deal with the crocs. I think that the problem of fans running onto the pitch will be solved once and for all."
Probably, except what happens if the pitch is greasy and the right-back makes a sliding tackle on the left-winger near the touchline? Down to 10 men what.
Kevin Keegan New Year special
"China is a major country."
- Kev produces the week's boldest statement.
"I never talk about (referee) Uriah Rennie . . ."
- See below.
". . . except to say I don't like him as a referee - never have, never will, end of story. He is a law unto himself. Ask his agent if you can have an interview with Mr Rennie."
- See above.
"Technically, it probably was a penalty . . ."
. . . do we sense an imminent "but"?
Kinnear on 'keepers
After Luton lost 2-1 to Chesterfield on New Year's Day, Big Joe Kinnear hinted that he felt goalkeeper Carl Emberson could have done a mite better for Chesterfield's winner. "It seems that we need to score two every time we play, because the goalkeeper's always going to throw one in at the other end and you go away demoralised and cheesed off with it all really. He punched it into the net himself, instead of coming and just catching it. It was another laughable joke goal against us. But he knows it.
"He's in there with a face like death, like thunder, and he knows he's cost us again. He threw one in last week at Wycombe. He's apologised, Emberson. 'I'm sorry. OG. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.' You were sorry last week. I could write a book on goalkeeping errors," said Kinnear, before concluding with this gem: "But there's no point moaning about it".
P.S. Kinnear's assessment of Emberson on the club's website? "He has good presence . . . and a safe pair of hands."
Curious headline of the week
"Transfer-listed Dichio Not For Sale"
- Yahoo, quoting West Brom manager Gary Megson. Safe to say, Dichio, who remains on the transfer list, doesn't know whether he's coming or going.
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