Planet Football

Today's other stories in brief

The 2007 Quiz

Who said . . ..

"As a coach you can never just coast along. You are either flying high or on a terrible low. You must learn to cope with disappointment - without losing your love of the game. Every defeat is like being jilted in love and you ask yourself, 'Will I ever be able to love again?'"

- (a) Steve Staunton or (b) Arsene Wenger.

"Cristiano Ronaldo will not only become the biggest sporting attraction in England but also in Europe and the rest of the world. He will be a world star in football like Michael Jordan was in basketball. They have both been blessed with a genius that has never been seen before."

- (a) Manchester United assistant manager Carlos Queiroz or (b) Eamon Dunphy.

"Cristiano Ronaldo is a puffball who's never done it on a big occasion."

- (a) Manchester United assistant manager Carlos Queiroz or (b) Eamon Dunphy.

"Useless, pathetic, insipid, spineless, desperate, rubbish and all those other words we are not allowed to print in the nation's favourite newspaper."

- (a) The Irish Times after Ireland's draw with Cyprus or (b) the Sun after England's defeat by Croatia.

"I would love to gather all the fans together to say goodbye but they would crush me with their love."

- (a) Steve Staunton after leaving the Ireland job or (b) Jose Mourinho after leaving the Chelsea job.

"Had I not become a footballer I think I would have been a virgin."

- (a) John Giles or (b) Peter Crouch.

"A sense of resignation sank over us and my initial feeling was to feel alone. It was almost like being an orphan after the departure of a father."

- (a) John Delaney after Steve Staunton's Ireland exit or (b) Didier Drogba after Jose Mourinho's Chelsea exit.

"Priorities have changed for footballers and they are being dictated to by their wives and girlfriends. I find it surprising that players let their wives decide. I think it's weak. You see it with a couple of big players now. Clearly their wives and girlfriends are running their lives and that's a bad sign."

- (a) Nell McCafferty or (b) Roy Keane.

"He rang me one day last week and asked me, 'how do I cook Super Noodles?' I couldn't believe it - especially as it says 'boil for two minutes' on the front of the packet."

- (a) Tana Ramsay after a call from Gordon or (b) Cheryl Cole after a call from Ashley.

"I tried to break his addiction by playing board games with him. He became hooked on Scrabble, spending ages trying to save up the letters to put the word 'zoo' on the board because he thinks it's high-scoring."

- (a) Elaine Hawking on her former husband Stephen or (b) "page-three stunner" and "32DD beauty" Amii Grove on ex-boyfriend Jermaine Pennant.

"People always say it's a shame someone as talented as Ryan Giggs, or George Best before him, never played in a World Cup and I don't want my name to be added to that list."

- (a) Alfredo Di Stefano speaking in 1957 or (b) Rangers' Barry Ferguson speaking in 2007.

"It does not surprise me that he's out of a job because almost every club he's gone to he's not done it as a manager. He's f***ed up most of the time."

- (a) David O'Leary on David O'Leary or (b) Dwight Yorke on Graeme Souness.

"In boxing terms it would be like Muhammad Ali picking a fight with Jimmy Krankie."

- (a) Steve Staunton ahead of Ireland's meeting with Germany or (b) Adrian Boothroyd on Watford's meeting with Manchester United.

"I was a bit down at missing out on signing a Chinese striker in the transfer window. You must know the guy - Win One Soon."

- (a) Jimmy Tarbuck or (b) then Wigan manager Paul Jewell.

"You think of John Terry, Carvalho, Ayala, Nesta, Maldini, all the great players in Europe, and we're having this tramp shoved down our throats every week."

- (a) Jamie Redknapp on Rio Ferdinand or (b) Eamon Dunphy on Rio Ferdinand.

"I always tell him before training, 'If you do stepovers on me, I will break your leg and rip up your shirt.' I have no wish to have the mickey taken out of me all week."

- (a) Patrice Evra on John O'Shea or (b) Patrice Evra on Cristiano Ronaldo.

"If Chelsea are naive and pure then I'm Little Red Riding Hood."

- (a) The Big Bad Wolf or (b) Rafa Benitez.

"It's unfortunate that I've been personally linked with the appointment."

- (a) George Bush on Donald Rumsfeld, his former defence secretary or (b) John Delaney on Steve Staunton, his former Ireland manager.

"That doom-laden day happens tomorrow when some token bird commentates on Fulham v Blackburn. How many women are qualified to pontificate on the beautiful game when there are so many other things to worry them, like the dishes and dinner?"

- (a) Former Fianna Fáil minister Pádraig Flynn or (b) Daily Mirror columnist Derek McGovern (before Jacqui Oatley made her Match of the Day debut).

"They do their business in mysterious ways. It's smoke-and-mirrors stuff . . . the majority of them you wouldn't trust to mind your corner shop for 10 minutes."

- (a) Bertie Ahern on the Green Party or (b) Brian Kerr on the FAI.

"When did you discover you were dead?"

- (a) A reporter to Mark Twain in 1897 or (b) Joe Duffy to Patricia Tallon, Stephen Ireland's grandmother, in 2007.

"I was a bit worried no one was going to turn up for my book signing, but I was quite relieved to see some people there. I thought about going to sit outside Northern Rock because you knew there would be a queue there."

- (a) JK Rowling on the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows or (b) Leicester manager Ian Holloway on the release of his autobiography.

"Quite isolated from the public? Not at all. Not isolated at all. They go for walks along the beach. Into Malahide."

- (a) Louis Walsh on Westlife or (b) Steve Staunton on his Ireland squad.

"I'm like milk. Once it's gone past its expiry date you can't drink it anymore."

- (a) Michael McDowell after losing his seat in the election or (b) Spain manager Luis Aragones.

"I expect six points from the next two games. If I don't get them I'm going to shove a pepper suppository up his arse."

- (a) Sunderland's Niall Quinn sending a warning to Roy Keane or (b) Mohamed Al Fayed sending a warning to Lawrie Sanchez.