Planet Football

Football stories from around the world

Away from home

At this rate we reckon Brian Kerr might call us up to his squad after the weekend he's just had. On Saturday only eight of his players made appearances for their clubs, and two of them were goalkeepers. Dean Kiely to partner a recalled Tony Cascarino up front this week? Don't rule it out, just yet.

Gary Breen, Mark Kinsella, Andy O'Brien, Lee Carsley and Colin Healy will, at least, be well rested by the time they turn up for Irish duty: all of them are largely "out of favour" at their clubs these days, although O'Brien has been compensated by Champions League appearances, returning to the bench for league games when Jonathan Woodgate is "selectable" again.

Shay Given, Matt Holland, Stephen Reid, Damien Duff and David Connolly have brought Kerr some cheer with their recent club form. John O'Shea, who might have collected the man-of-the-match award after the Fulham game if it hadn't been for Ruud van Nistelrooy's intervention, would have brought even more if it wasn't for that, well, "hamstring" strain his club boss spotted as the youngster galloped off the pitch on Saturday morning. Sven Goran Eriksson knows how Kerr feels: Wes Brown, spookily, suffered a similar injury on the way to the showers.

Romario's war story

Nice to see some football folk noticing last week that there was a war going on and expressing some concern for its victims. Portugal coach Luiz Felipe Scolari (ex-Brazil), for example, let his thoughts be known ("an absurd, incomprehensible war"), as did Robert Pires, who said he and his French team-mates at Arsenal would consider stopping playing in an anti-war protest, and Pavel Nedved (Juventus), who spoke of his fears for the "innocent children". And Romario, who's currently playing in Qatar? "War is a terrible and sad thing, but God willing nothing will happen to me." A noble man, eh?

Quotes of the week

"Very deceptive is Rio, and rightly so."

- Sky Sports co-commentator Brian Marwood. What?

"It's Mick McC-arrrgh-thy."

- The Sunday Mirror's take on the size of the task facing Sunderland's new manager.

"It's going to get very twitchy over the next few weeks, it's squeeze your bum time."

- Alex Ferguson prepares to crush his buttocks. And a lovely image it is too.

"I am not dismissing this season in a football sense, but it has been a bit of a ball acher."

- Michael Owen. New one on us.

"By my accent people immediately presume that I'm English. That's understandable, because I sound more like Del Trotter than Pat Spillane."

- Londoner Kevin O'Connor (Brentford), who's been called up to the Irish under-21 squad (www.eleven-a-side.com).

More war stories

It started out as quite a promisingly moving piece that would teach us all that there's more to life than football, but the BBC's Football Focus interview with Southampton's Chris Marsden just left us a bit puzzled.

Chris's brother Damien is in the British army and was - note: "was" - on duty in Iraq, but, revealed Chris, "he came home a few days ago and I'll see him this Saturday, he's coming down to the game". Would somebody please tell Damien that the war isn't actually over and his country still needs him?

Gate crashing

It hasn't been the best of seasons, to be blunt, for Cypriot club Alki Larnaca. Their recent 11-1 defeat by Omonia was a club record, although they tightened up at the back in their next game, losing only 8-1 to Dighenis Morphou. At this rate they might even match their achievements of four years ago when they finished with the worst league record in Europe: played 26, lost 25, scored 25, conceded 109 goals. Worse still, though, is the fact that the club is in a spot of financial bother, which means that gate receipts are their lifeline. And how many attended their cup game, which they lost, against second division Ethnikos Assias? Four. Meaning the club, who have to pay rent to the ground's owners for each game, made a loss of CY£916. It's not often you can say "count 'em" about a match attendance, in the full knowledge that the task can be accomplished with ease.

More quotes of the week

"There's a touch of the Phoenix Parks about him."

- Eamon Dunphy on John Hartson.

"He's one of the biggest whingers in world football. He's a bloody eejit."

- Eamon Dunphy on Mick McCarthy.

"I think the young lads found the pace of the game hard."

- John O'Shea (note: he's 22) after the Champions League defeat by Deportivo.

"Liverpool's last chance of a trophy this season . . . there's not to be a trophy this year . . . silly me, how could I have forgotten that Liverpool have won the Worthington Cup, my apologies."

- The BBC's Barry Davies, who clearly found this season's English League Cup memorable.

"The vibes from Highbury suggest there are a few doubts . . . it all suggests there are fears that their players are not up to the job."

- Manchester United coach and former player Brian McClair picking up vibes that only Alex Ferguson has so far detected.

"I'd rather walk away from the job than watch any more rubbish because I'm absolutely sick to death of it. My players are nicking money while people are paying their hard-earned cash to go and see them. They're not having a go, they're bone idle, but if I can't shake them up, I don't know what to do."

- Burnley manager Stan Ternent. Two words: "fed" and "up".

Plymouth bites back

There we were, browsing through the pages of the Plymouth Evening Herald last week, when we stumbled upon a bizarre story about "former Watford striker and current brickie George Reilly, now 45". Reilly scored the winning goal in the 1984 FA Cup semi-final for Watford against Plymouth, and paid for it last week.

"Mr Reilly was working on a site in Corby when he was punched to the ground by a labourer. He said that the man then bit off his ear and whispered 'Plymouth' in the other. Doctors managed to sew the ear back on with 50 stitches."

"I know people have strong loyalties, but this is taking it a bit far," said Reilly. "My ear was hanging by the lobe. I also needed eight stitches in my eye, so I'm a bit of a mess." Is it just us or has the planet gone stark raving bonkers?

Sharpe goes all sheepish

"It'll be different to what I'm used to, but at least I'll get the chance to play football again," said Lee Sharpe last week when he signed for Icelandic side Grindavik. "We have heard Lee is a bit of a party animal and I think Grindavik will be a good place for him to start anew," promised Grindavik general secretary Ingvar Gudjonsson.

True enough, we checked out a tourist guide to Grindavik, a fishing village with a population of under 3,000 (and a ground that holds 1,500) and learnt that the highlight of its year is a sheep round-up. "If you're doing your own driving, follow the hand-painted signs announcing 'rettir' and/or 'sheeps'," read the Internet tourist guide directions to Grindavik.

"There's something bizarre and unsettling about an enormous, agitated, motley mob of sheep advancing on you, egged on by horseback riders and bystanders doing an Icelandic version of the Rebel Yell," it continued. As Ingvar put it, "Lee will not be a really rich man, but maybe he will be rich in a different way." We give him a week. And then he'll be baaaack home.