Planet Football

Lively old weekend for the Irish in Britain - plenty of goals (Richie Foran, Barry Conlon, Clinton Morrison, Richard Sadlier, George O'Callaghan, Ben Burgess and David Kelly), the return of a couple of forgotten men (Steve Staunton and Jason McAteer) and a penalty save to boot (Shay Given).

A weekend to forget for some, though, e.g., Richard Dunne (conceded penalty in Manchester City's 4-0 mauling by West Brom), Gary Breen (returned from injury just in time for Coventry's home defeat by Grimsby) and, worst of all, Dubliner Keith O'Halloran, who broke both his fibula and tibia playing for Swindon.

Better days for Niall Quinn and Alan Kelly. Quinn did a damn fine Roy of the Rovers impression for Sunderland on Saturday, coming off the bench to score the winner before heading off his own line when Blackburn looked like they'd equalised. Kelly, meanwhile, was described by Birmingham manager Trevor Francis as "the best third-choice keeper in English football" after a blinding game for the division one side, where he's on loan from Blackburn.

Whole lotta lotto

Many thanks to Kevin Burke for e-mailing us the first issue of the UCD fanzine Student Till I Graduate. A fine production it is, too, but what really caught our eye was a report on a recent UCD away match where the writer noted that "the PA man announced the winning number in the club Lotto ... before adding that tickets were still available". Eh?

Sweet revenge

According to the London Times last week, 90-year-old Gordon Campbell has not missed a Stirling Albion match for 81 years and was due to attend his 3,000th game on Saturday. What impressed us most, though, was Gordon's admission that he joined the RAF during the second World War not because he was fired by a patriotic fervour, or that he wanted to save the world from Hitler, rather he was on a revenge mission after the Luftwaffe had bombed Stirling Albion's original Forthbank stadium. Top man.

Website of the week

We pointed you in the direction of www.dangerhere.com last season after being alerted to its rather fine Madness of King George (Hamilton) section. Well, the site has now expanded to include features such as Being John Giles (which takes you "into the mind of the great man"), Curious George ("George Hamilton investigates a series of modern phenomena, such as nightclubs") and Would it Be Fair To Say (a tribute to Bill O'Herlihy's knack for "coming to outrageous conclusions based on scant evidence").

We also liked the mini-tribute to the late Brian Moore, which featured the site's favourite "Mooro" quote: "The winners of the Champion's League stand to make £10 million in prize money - that's before any money they can make on programme sales, hot dogs and the like."

Headline of the week

"Two shots on target."

As spotted in our favourite read, the Bahrain British Football Week. The headline, incidentally, referred to a match that featured three goals (Heybridge Swifts 1, Aldershot 2).

Germany 1, England 5:

"Anyone who has seen a bloated, sunburnt Tommy git in Majorca can imagine him, with his BSE belly, dancing for joy around the bonfire."

German tabloid Bild hits back.

"There aren't any easy games in international football. Well, except for the Germans."

Gary Lineker before England v Albania.

"This was a terrible defeat, it is a new Waterloo for us."

Someone tell Karl-Heinz Ruminegge the Germans came away from Waterloo with maximum points.

Granny who?

We loved Onefootball.com's story last week on Gillingham striker Marlon King's efforts to prove he is eligible to play for the Republic of Ireland through his maternal grandmother ... "even though he does not know her name, where she is from, or whether she is still alive".

"My grandmother's name is Joyce, but I don't know her surname and I don't know where she is from in Ireland. I met her once but I don't know if she is still alive," said King.

A close family, then.

Quotes of the week

Jeff Stelling (Sky Sports): "There's Posh Spice at Old Trafford - she'll be singing as loudly as the rest today, I'm sure."

Rodney Marsh: "Out of tune, no doubt."

"There've been a countless number of corners. A round dozen we make it, which I suppose means we can count them."

Barry Davies has a Murray Walker moment during the England v Albania game.

Moaning footballers: Part 456

"I keep asking myself if I am letting my youth slip away because of football. I don't have fun. I don't go to the cinema or the theatre and never visit bars or discos. I'm always thinking ahead to the next training session or the next match. I suffer from stress, and I am permanently under pressure."

So said Liverpool's Stephane "£30,000-a-week" Henchoz last week. Honest, we haven't made it up.

Meet Sven's mam

"What in the world is there to stop us making a great investment in tourism after his recent successes," asked an editorial last week in Varmlands Folkblad, the Swedish newspaper from Sven-Goran Eriksson's home patch. They reckon the current euphoria sweeping English football could present the region with some serious money-making opportunities. English fans, they suggested, might like to "visit Sven-Goran's schools, his parents' house and maybe get a wave from his mother". Hmm. Dum de dum.

Football on TV

TUESDAY: Liverpool v Boavista (Champions League), TV3, kick-off 7.45.

WEDNESDAY: Celtic v Rosenberg (Champions League), TV3, KO 7.45; Olympiakos v Manchester United (Champions League), UTV, KO 7.45.

THURSDAY: Ipswich Town v Torpedo Moscow (UEFA Cup), BBC1, KO 8.05.