Planet Euro 2004

"The baker of Aljubarrota gave us reason to celebrate! Have faith," reads the message on the billboard, paid for by the local council, outside Portugal's training camp near Lisbon. Newspaper 24Horas also cited the baker as inspiration for the hosts as they prepare for tomorrow's rather juicy meeting with neighbours Spain.

Spain on baker's list

So, who is the baker of Aljubarrota? A woman you wouldn't want to mess with, by the sounds of it. Legend has it that Brites de Almeida was "very tall, strong and ugly and possessed six fingers on each hand". (David James: "well for some.")

In 1385 she found seven Spanish (Castilian) soldiers, who had invaded Aljubarrota, hiding in her oven so, like any self-respecting patriotic baker, she lit the oven and as they emerged she killed them, one by one, with "the big wooden spoon she used to put bread in her oven".

"Throughout history Spain always thought they could conquer our country," said 24Horas, in reference to the feisty Brites, "they always miscalculated - our rivals in Sunday's game can start packing their bags." And then they mentioned what is, apparently, a much-quoted saying in Portugal: "Neither good winds nor good marriages come from Spain." Cripes! Game on.

Jumbo-sized tribute

"Rooney seems to have modelled his style of play on the baby elephant that ran amok in the Blue Peter studio. There is the same impossible size, and there is the same impossibly young age . . . there is the same air of not being quite in control, as if he hadn't yet got around to counting his limbs."

- Simon Barnes in the London Times, under the headline 'Baby elephant brings the house down'.

Euro talk

"Shit happens."

- Swiss goalkeeper Jorg Steil's sums up Thursday's defeat by England.

"Impotent up front, and not so tight behind . . . but despite that we love them."

- But Swiss newspaper Blick finds it in its heart to forgive Steil and co.

"Kluivert should know his place. He wants to take a look at himself and at what he has done - or failed to do - over the past year. He's hardly been a great success at Barcelona, has he?"

- Dutch assistant coach Wim van Hanegem offers Patrick some encouragement ahead of today's game against the Czechs.

"We only play with one striker and it is not an option to start a match with van Hooijdonk. In my opinion van Hooijdonk is no starter."

- Dutch coach Dick Advocaat offers Pierre some encouragement . . . do you get the feeling that van Nistelrooy will start on his own up front against the Czechs?

What's in a name?

We've seen some uncanny anagrams in our time but we reckon The Anagram Genius Server has come up the uncanniest of the lot: for 'Manchester United and England Footballer Rio Ferdinand' you get 'He ran and 'forgot' test. Banned. Cried. Fallen idol, ruined man'.

This one is hardly Euro 2004-related, but it's another blinder: for 'The England and Manchester United footballer Norbert Stiles' you get 'Gentleman. (Undesirable credentials: short, bald, no front teeth)'. How good is that? More topical, but, after his performance against Italy, hardly accurate is 'Denmark goalkeeper Thomas Sorensen' - 'Mere plonker! He's not Seaman's grade, OK!'. Nor do we feel Henrik Larsson is given quite the reverence he deserves with 'Rankless rhino'. Christian Vieri, though, is captured nicely by 'Is rich via Inter', while his team-mate Francesco Totti can't complain about 'craftiest to con'.

Finally, Greece's Stelios Giannakopoulos probably won't know quite how to take this: 'Gnat-like - also poisonous'.

Canine conundrum

Most curious piece of co-commentating to date, as quizzically noted by Football 365: "We've seen it before, haven't we? The hand of God? Well, it's just an anagram of dog." So said Mick McCarthy, during the Holland v Germany game. Help?

More Euro talk

"If I have to divide myself into four to help the team win then I'll do that."

- Thierry Henry, who'll be quartered by the French press soon if he doesn't rediscover his Arsenal form.

"I am very distressed about what happened. I ask the public to forgive me. I don't remember the incident seen in this video and I would like you to know this was not the true Francesco Totti, it was another."

- The other Francesco Totti, spittin' after his three-match ban.

"We are with him. We know that he committed a gesture of nervousness that he could not contain."

- Italian coach Giovanni Trapattoni, offering a highly sophisticated definition of the word 'spit'.

"When I played for Servette I could drink 25 beers and nobody at the club would find out."

- Switzerland's Alexander Frei, reminiscing fondly on life before moving to France.