A bluffers guide to . . . Modern Pentathlon

Modern? Sounds like it’s a fairly new addition to the Olympic Games programme?

The opposite is actually the case. The Modern Pentathlon has been part of the Olympics since its debut in the 1912 Games in Stockholm. The “modern” appendage is purely to differentiate from the version that was performed in the ancient Olympics which was based on the attributes of soldiering and featured a foot race, wrestling, long jump, javelin and discus to determine the best all-round athlete.

The Modern Pentathlon comprises five very different events: fencing, freestyle swimming, show jumping, pistol shooting and cross-country running. The pistol shooting and cross-country running is combined into one discipline.

A bit like a jack of all trades and master of none, don’t you think?

Think of it more as a sport designed to determine the very best athlete in terms of physical and mental demands. Where once the competition was run over five days, it is now packed into ONE day of competition.

Who’s bright idea was it to look for what sounds like the perfect military combatant?

Baron Pierre de Coubertin, the founder of the modern Olympics, devised the concept. The events of the ancient pentathlon were modelled after the skills of the ideal solider of that time and Coubertin decided to simulate the experience of a 19th-century cavalry solider behind enemy lines in devising the Modern Pentathlon: to ride an unfamiliar horse, to fight enemies with pistol and sword, to swim and to run to return to his own side.

So, it’s just for men?

Sorry for saying "his." Actually, it's for women too – but only since 2000 when Britain's Stephanie Cooke won the inaugural women's competition in Sydney. Up to then, all competitions from 1912 were confined to men.

There are 36 athletes competing in the men's competition in Rio and 36 in a separate women's competition. Ireland is represented by Arthur Lanigan-O'Keefe in the men's and by Natalya Coyle in the women's.

What comes first . . . and what comes last?

Fencing, swimming, show jumping in that order, with the pistol shooting/cross-country bringing the competition to an exciting conclusion. The fencing discipline uses the épée sword and competitors face each other in a round-robin series to accumulate points; the swimming is a 200 metres freestyle race with points awarded based on their times; and the riding segment sees points awarded based on penalties for fallen bars, refusals, falls and time. Then, it all comes down to the pistol/cross-country combined. How does that finale work?

Simple, actually. Just like the Nordic Combined in the Winter Olympics, competitors are ranked according to their scores from the first three disciplines and given start times accordingly, with the leader going first and other starting times dependent on the number of points already scored. That way everyone knows who is winning and so on, meaning the first across the finish line is the gold medallist.

Top spoofing factoid: Yer man Pavel Lednyov – you know, the Russian bloke – he was pretty good at this lark.

Do say: They're like real-life superheroes.

Don't say: I think I have time to make a cup of tea.

PHILIP REID