Name game knocks me completely off my Trolley

Hors de Combat:Whatever about Ireland's pronouncements before this World Cup, it was our pronunciation that raised my antenna last weekend.

Ciarán Fitzgerald summed it up - in a manner of speaking - when he said, "It's a surprise France had 'Trolley'(Damien Traille) playing at fullback." Indeed it was but not as surprising as Dónal Lenihan's wonderment at their audacity in selecting Lionel "Botox"(Beauxis) at outhalf.

Matt Cooper also raised his TV3 made-up eyebrows at "Trail"(Traille) being played out of position and Jim Glennon wasn't certain about the inclusion of French openside Thierry "Soother" (Dusautoir). I began to ponder myself, how France would cope with the earlier than expected introduction of "Harry Ordinary" (Harinordoquy).

In fact the pronunciations of the French players names last Saturday almost added to the excitement and confusion as they were much more varied and unpredictable than anything else Ireland has produced in the last five weeks.

From where I was sitting it sounded like the French were playing with 18 men. It probably seemed like that also to the New Zealand half blacks/half greys. Who decided on that gear by the way? They looked like Scotland in an episode of Star Trek. No wonder they lost.

As the contest entered the closing minutes Setanta's Mark Robson - he of the sibilant S - observed that "Thissss issss almosssst tuy unbarrable tuy watnesss".

To be fair the last quarter was electric, emotion full to the brim and when the whistle blew and it all spilled over there was barely a dry eye in the house. I doubt if there was a dry microphone in Setanta's commentary box either. The conditions may well be balmy on the pitch, but I'm sure Lenihan wears wet gear in there sitting next to Robson. He speaks like he's fighting through a very heavy rain storm.

It can't have been easy to describe the most exhilarating match we've seen so far in the tournament, as the final few minutes were played out the All Blacks resembled a speared and bloodied bull on it's last legs, refusing to submit, but who inexplicably didn't have the nous to drop a goal and save its life.

Tactical nous was certainly the winner as Australia were made to look like Canada by England's amazing force of forward-dominated will. John Eales, the captain of the Australian winning team in 1999, said that you don't have to be the best team in the world to win the World Cup, you just need to be the best for the duration of the tournament, which - on the surface of it - appears to be one of those clever-sounding statements which doesn't really mean anything, but when you look at England's progress, it certainly resonates.

It's not easy to look at them, sitting pretty in the semi-final of the World Cup and I'd wager if you asked the Irish players if they'd sacrifice the brilliant win in Croke Park for where England are now, there'd be no contest. How they must be kicking themselves.

The closer we get to the climax, the more bewildering Ireland's implosion becomes. You don't want to think about it, but how can you not, when there's always something there to remind you, if you know what I mean?

Ronan O'Gara is everywhere, either suggesting what knives and forks we buy or telling us, "He's converted". Not sure from what to what, but maybe that's not important anymore. On TV Willie John McBride is passing - via a number of more recent rugby greats - to Brian O'Driscoll who takes off on his own to symbolically lead this generation of Irish rugby to previously unchartered glory. I think that's what's going on anyway.

With Ireland's early omission, though, it all seems a little odd. I think they should remake the ad, replacing the players with the IRFU committee who pass a contract to each other before it reaches a flying Eddie O'Sullivan who in slow motion signs it, throws his arms in the air, loses his pen forward and runs into the posts knocking himself out in the process. The caption would then appear: "IRFU. SEE WHAT WE CAN DO" (for another four years).

Personally I miss Denis Hickie's superb ad for Wavin pipes which I think was first aired during the Celtic League a couple of seasons ago. It had that unmistakable characteristic of a "Made for Setanta" ad about it, complete with shiny brown ball that looked more like a toffee.

This was old-style advertising at its best and though the link between Denis and the Wavin pipes may remain a mystery, it still doesn't take away from the attempt to clarify it with the voice-over at the end which said. "WAVIN - MAKE THE RIGHT CONNECTIONS." Quality!

Indeed the days of Adidas and Nike and O2 wishing to sponsor Irish players may well be numbered. Now is the time for Des Kelly Carpets, Supermacs and O'Neills to strike while the iron is hot.

Only pulling your hamstrings lads!

As the big hitters in New Zealand desperately try to distance themselves from the "failure" of reaching a quarter-final, I bet every ad involving the All Blacks has been destroyed in order to avoid a national riot.

We're gone and they're gone. At least we can say we have something in common with the best team in the world. There's some comfort in that, isn't there? Eddie might even call that a positive. Or am I completely off my (Damien) trolley, Ciarán?