McGurk gets an earful as Channel 4 lose the plot

TV VIEW/MARY HANNIGAN: On first sight Tom McGurk's left ear appeared to be hanging by a sinew, dangling forlornly over his shoulder, when we returned to the RTÉ studio from Cardiff.

The Humphreys v O'Gara debate had been a touch heated earlier that afternoon, leaving one wondering what had gone on off-camera during the excruciating final moments of the game. Had the tension got to the boys in Montrose? Had things turned unseemly? Had, perhaps, George Hook thrown a "Tyson" after Ronan O'Gara's timely drop goal and subjected McGurk, Humphreys's fellow Ulsterman, to a spot of triumphalist ear-nibbling? Or had McGurk simply picked up the injury while listening on his ear-piece to Jim Sherwin's impartial commentary on the very same drop goal? ("YEEEEESSSSSS.")

Na, nothing so dramatic. McGurk had simply lost said ear-piece, possibly in and about the time referee Steve Lander called a halt to proceedings at the Millennium Stadium, after playing four-and-a-half months of added time. These things can happen when, upon realising Grand Slam aspirations remain alive alive-O, one springs upwards, rather forcefully, from one's chair.

The ear-piece wasn't all that was lost. Brent Pope, McGurk told us, had almost lost contact with his heart-beat in the closing seconds. Keith Wood, usually a garrulous kind of chap, had very nearly lost his voice over on the BBC, but that's hyperventilation for you. And Jonathan Davies, not for the first time during this Six Nations, appeared to have lost the will to live. Jeremy Guscott, though, had lost nothing, certainly none of that smugness/self-confidence (such a thin line).

"No wonder the Miami Dolphins want him," said a gracious but gutted Scott Gibbs of O'Gara's effort, which Pope reckoned went over the bar "like a wounded duck - sideways, longways, but the important thing is it went over".

All the pundits, once they'd been resuscitated, drew pretty much the same conclusion: Ireland aren't playing terrifically well this weather but, damn it, they keep on winning (e.g., Hook: "Ten out of 10 for consistency, they were just as bad in the first 40 minutes as they were against France and Italy").

This, of course, beats the days when Ireland used to play splendidly, but lose.

"Another lucky win," Hook concluded, "maybe it's just meant to be."

"Indeed," beamed McGurk, before issuing a warm Lansdowne invitation to "the Sasanach". And if the Sasanach lose, trust us, McGurk will happily eat his ear-piece.

Elsewhere. The 2003 cricket World Cup, as you know, started, roughly, in 1978 and finished yesterday. Sachin Tendulkar began the tournament as a child prodigy and ended it as a veteran. When the players of Australia and India (and Sky Sports' team) return home, their children will greet them with the question: "And you are?". Ali Bacher, the World Cup head honcho, admitted the tournament had gone on too long - 44 days in all - but said there was "scope to add two more teams" to the line-up.

Iceland and the Maldives are in training as we speak.

Roughly five of those 44 days were tasty, the rest a bit forgettable. At least, though, for viewers who are geographically challenged it was an education. Apart, that is, from The Weakest Link contestant: Sri Lanka is situated to the south-east of which Asian country? "South Africa." (Didn't beat a rival's effort, though. What is the capital of Iraq? "Um, Iran?" Good God).

Perhaps not since John Aldridge told TV3 viewers that Mount Everest was in Switzerland has a telly person taken on the subject of geography and lost so spectacularly, although BBC co-commentator Mark Bright had a right good go at nicking Aldo's crown on Thursday night when he labelled the scorer of Celtic's second goal against Liverpool "English". Barry Davies quickly reminded him that John Hartson is, in fact, Welsh. "Alright then - English- based," conceded Bright, of the man who calls Glasgow home.

But, in the week that was in it, this kind of stuff amounted to nothing much. ITV and Sky News brought us live and (not so) exclusive coverage of the start of the war on Wednesday night. At precisely the same time Channel 4 were showing . . . the cycling Tour de Langkawi in Malaysia. When the programme ended one assumed they would have the good grace to dump the schedule, haul Jon Snow out of bed and switch to somewhat more significant world events.

Next up? Cross country skiing from Holmenkollen, Norway. No kiddin'.