Mary Hannigan's Planet Football

Today's other stories in brief

Eric defaces his own image

Eric Cantona has taken to photography, apparently, with a particular liking for self-portraits. This one (below, top) appeared in the Sunday Times. Looks to us like the seagulls finally got their revenge.

Romany roaming sunk United

Before he scored the goal that knocked Manchester United out of the League Cup the fact that Southend striker Freddy Eastwood is a Romany gypsy was known to very few outside the club. Now, it seems, there's no one who doesn't know, including the supporters of Colchester and Wolves who have serenaded Eastwood thus in recent weeks: "The wheels on your house go round and round."

Quotes of the week

"I took in three games in two days this week and my wife came with me. We went to Oldham against Crewe, Barnsley reserves versus Stoke City reserves and Wigan's youth team against ours, so she's been thoroughly spoilt."

- Plymouth supremo Ian Holloway still wooing his wife Kim after all these years.

Commentator: " Has Emile Heskey something to prove against his former club?"

David Platt: " No, not at all . . . but he will want to show them they were wrong to sell him."

- Platty puts in a late challenge for punditry quote of the year.

"I don't want to upset those poor Germans. They are very fragile."

- Alex Ferguson continues his delicate negotiations with Bayern Munich for Owen Hargreaves.

"The manager is responsible for his team. I told Alan (Pardew) 'you will be judged by how the team performs. It's your throat that is going to be cut if you don't produce results in the long run'."

- New West Ham chairman Eggert Magnusson . . . and this was before they lost 4-0 to Bolton.

"I was in a barbers in Moss Side when my mobile phone rang. This voice said 'this is Steve McClaren here . . .', so I just said, 'yeah, whatever' and hung up. Then he called again and I listened to his voice and could tell it really was the England manager."

-Manchester City defender Micah Richards, almost missing out on that England call-up.

" The pubs are now open 24 hours a day and everyone was worried people were going to be drunk on the streets but there are less drunks on the streets now than what there was when they closed at 11 o'clock."

- Wigan manager Paul Jewell explaining why he thinks diving should be allowed in football. Nope, we don't get the analogy either.

Media sent on wrong track

Such was the nature of the rumours flying about last week, rumours that even Granada television picked up on and reported, Tranmere Rovers felt compelled to issue a statement denying that Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum planned on buying the club and turning it in to a feeder club for Liverpool.

"Like most clubs we would welcome new investment from a credible interested party and therefore would always be prepared to enter into discussions," read the statement.

"With regard to the issue of feeder clubs, Tranmere Rovers feel it is essential that the Club has its own identity and independence. The Club is very proud of its history and identity and has a special relationship with the people of Wirral. Furthermore, feeder clubs or nursery clubs are not permitted under Football League rules."

To cut a lengthy and comical saga short, there was never any plan to buy Tranmere or turn it in to a feeder club, the source of the rumour was a paragraph added to the online Wikipedia entry for Sheikh Mohammed by a mischievous divil, who then sat back and waited for the uproar from the Tranny faithful.

"The following day a lot of people were discussing it on the football forums, some dismissing it, a lot buying into it and I pissing myself reading all this. It spread to a few other news sites who reported it, it even went on the local Granada TV News and, wait for it, I just saw there on the official Tranmere site that they had to come out with a denial, but not a full denial so it will cause even further speculation," wrote the man responsible for the divilment. Barry? Truly, you're a scamp.

More quotes of the week

"He is an enormous bighead, you cannot say anything to him because he can't stand criticism."

- An unnamed French team-mate of Thierry Henry, as quoted in Le Journal du Dimanche.

"Quite simply, it is true that I can be a pig. It is not a lie to say that. Sometimes, I feel that I am in the right even when I am wrong."

- Henry, as quoted in L'Equipe, kind of verifies the views of his unnamed French team-mate.

"Makelele is untouchable because of the way he plays, Essien is untouchable because of the way he plays. Frank Lampard is untouchable because of the way he plays. It is not because I love them, it is because of the way they play. Michael Ballack is untouchable because of the way he plays. John Terry is untouchable, Ricardo Carvalho, Ashley Cole, Drogba, they are untouchable. The right back is not untouchable. That is why I try this and that."

- Jose Mourinho on his Untouchables.

"Everybody already knows what Andriy Shevchenko is capable of."

- Eh, Andriy Shevchenko.

"Gareth Southgate is very naive. He's just a young manager. We'll have to give him a chance to settle in.

- Alex Ferguson (after Southgate accused Ronaldo of diving), in no way patronising at all.

Cole becomes good currency

Having learnt that Cashley Cole, as they've lovingly labelled their former left back, has a particularly strong affection for loot Arsenal fans very kindly went to the trouble of creating his very own "Bank of Russia" note, and spent much of yesterday's game at Stamford Bridge waving them in the air every time he was on a ball. A lovely gesture which, we think, proves there are no hard feelings.

Arsenal fans recall good times

Alas, we didn't hear this one ourselves but BBC Online contributor Joe Suich did when Arsenal played Spurs recently. In reference to Spurs' tummy trouble, before last season's final game, the Arsenal fans sympathetically sang: "Lasagne, whoah, Lasagne, whoah, we laughed ourselves to bits, when Tottenham had the shits." Delightful.