Hakkinen heads class in confident mood

It is always thus. As Formula One regroups after a four-month lay-off, Melbourne has the distinct atmosphere of a boarding school classroom at the beginning of a new term. Some of the pupils have changed their uniforms, some have changed and are new kids in school.

Some things, however, never change. Michael Schumacher is still the furrow-browed swot, Mika Hakkinen the faintly obtuse kid in the corner and Eddie Irvine straight away slips back into his role of class clown. Yesterday at the Albert Park circuit, they even made the Irishman sit at the back of the pre-battle press conference where he could aim perfectly waited jibes at opponents, former teams and the schoolmasterly media.

Irvine was told that he was on every magazine and every TV screen in existence and, while no bad thing, did he not think his media profile was interfering with his proper job of driving racing cars. The Jaguar driver smirked and asked if his interrogator would like to see more of him and whether he was using the occasion as a platform to come out of the closet. The rest of the class guffawed.

Johnny Herbert, Irvine added, was short, about as tall as his four-year-old daughter. The class giggled some more. And his opinions on Michael Schumacher and new Ferrari team-mate Rubens Barrichello were unimportant as it wasn't his problem anymore. The feeling that after it was all over Irvine would slope off behind the bike shed with one of the Australian Grand Prix's ubiquitous promotional models was hard to shake.

Schumacher, normally monosyllabic and testy in such conditions, even allowed himself to be infected by the banter, demanding the name of Mika Hakkinen's barber so he could sue on the Finn's behalf.

But while yesterday Irvine and his former Ferrari team-mate cracked wise and defused any difficult questions, the levity will stop today. At 11 a.m. Melbourne time, the drivers will pull on helmets and gloves and try to begin to make sense of the machinery their teams have asked them to win with this year.

Winning for most of the 22 drivers will be a hopeless, romantic dream. Formula One is always about the few lording it over the many and this 2000 season is unlikely to upset the harsh meritocracy of the pitlane. Ferrari, McLaren, outside bets on Jordan and Jaguar - on the F1 stage these are the leads, the rest are normally bit players. Irvine, who finally unshackled himself from the Ferrari yoke to make a lucrative move to the new Jaguar team, was quick to acknowledge this constant.

"I'd be very surprised if we can challenge Ferrari and McLaren," he said. "If we can, they're doing something wrong. We simply haven't got the infrastructure. They've been building for years and we're quite a new team. They've made big steps forward over the winter and for us to challenge them would be lovely but it's not realistic. Formula One's about physics and our physics aren't quite there yet."

Jaguar's physics are likely to prove spurious in the short term. Plagued with oil system problems throughout pre-season testing, the team's R1 is likely to suffer a difficult baptism in Melbourne. Irvine believes he will be lucky to finish here, but yesterday he said he has no regrets about moving to the Ford-owned outfit.

"I'm very happy that I made the change," he said. "Obviously I'm not in such a competitive situation as I was last year with Ferrari. I've seen what Ferrari have done over the last few years to be competitive and I've seen where we are now," he said. "We have a long way to go."

McLaren, by contrast, currently define the journey. Narrowly beaten for the 1999 constructors' championship title, the Mercedes-powered team are still the yardstick by which all other's progress is measured. This year is likely to be no different, with the new MP4/15 looking effortlessly superior in testing. Unlike last year, the new car has completed race distance with ease and, as such, confidence is high. Mika Hakkinen's positively Zen-like attitude yesterday is further proof that despite the triumphant fanfares already being sounded in Maranello, Ferrari's trumpeting is falling on deaf ears at McLaren.

"I'm confident," said the world champion. "I'm feeling much more relaxed than '98 or '99, although I can't explain why. But I'm starting with a very calm approach this year and I'll just take it as it comes and just see how this weekend goes."

Standing in the way of realising a very precious hat-trick - not achieved since 1956 when Juan Manuel Fangio notched the third of a four-title run - will be Michael Schumacher. The Ferrari driver's desire will undoubtedly have been sharpened by the denouement of the 1999 championship, which, riddled by technical and human error from both McLaren and Ferrari, would surely have been the German's for the taking if he had not been sidelined by the leg-breaking accident he suffered at last year's British Grand Prix.

Schumacher has already hailed the Ferrari F1-2000 as the finest car he has driven in his five years with the team and yesterday he admitted he was looking forward to taking the car into battle. "I am ready, more than ready," he insisted. "My leg is now fine."

When, on Sunday, the jokes about bad hair days and diminutive rivals fade in the spit and roar of 22 800 horsepower monsters, the 22 drivers aligned on the grid will lower their visors and clasp fiercely to the dream that they can be number one.

For most it will be clutching at straws. For one, the faintest grip will firm into a raised fist of triumph. The fastest, the best - champion.