Game, set and match to Collins as pundit feasts on humble pie

TV VIEW:PETER COLLINS would probably have set off on a victory lap around the fields of Santry Park yesterday if it wasn't for the fear he'd need to be airlifted out of the mud. Instead, he contented himself with beaming broadly into the camera while Jerry Kiernan shifted uneasily from foot to foot.

Not only was it a great day for Peter, it was a quite splendid day for old people, 35-year-old Hayley Yelling winning the second European Cross Country title of her career, a mere month after coming out of retirement. There’s evidently only so much rose-pruning and crocheting a still marginally active woman can take.

Before the race, Peter had tried to convince Jerry that Hayley and Tetyana Holovchenko, as former winners of the race, “still had to be considered a threat”, but Jerry was having absolutely none of it.

“I wouldn’t agree, I think they’re yesterday’s people,” he said. “I mean, they’re here and they’re making up the numbers and they’ll probably be in the top 20 or so, but I think the Portuguese are going to dominate.”

“Well, Jerry has put my suggested tips, quite rightly, in their place,” said a chastened Peter.

As it proved, Jerry had a Rafa Benitez-ish kind of day, ie, one to forget: Hayley won, Tetyana came eighth and divil a Portuguese runner finished in the top three.

We’ve all had days like that, though, so people in glasshouses shouldn’t be chucking rocks about the place. Some of us even thought Liverpool had a chance of staying out of the relegation scrap this season. As Frank Sinatra once put it, “how little we know”.

“A MAGNIFICENT performance by Hayley Yelling to win her SECOND European cross country title, and she did it in the most EMPHATIC fashion,” said a grinning Peter. “It would be fair to put it to YOU, Jerry, that it was unexpected.”

“Leave him alone, ya big bully,” Sonia O’Sullivan didn’t say, nor, judging by the dimples forming in her cheeks, was she thinking it.

“I got it spectacularly wrong, Peter,” said Jerry, “it was an incredible performance . . . what can I say . . . . Sonia, did you think she was going to win it?”

“Em, not at all, no,” she said, charitably, when she probably should have opted for: “You’re on your own here, buddy”.

The men’s race? “I’m loathe to make a prediction after Hayley, but Sergey Lebid’s definitely the man to beat,” said Jerry.

Aleyamehu Bezabeh and Mo Farah took him at his word and beat the defending champion into third place.

But that’s kind of how the weekend went.

“I don’t think Ulster are good enough to beat Stade Francais,” said George Hook on Friday, previewing the European Cup game which Ulster won 23-13.

His confidence in his crystal ball remained unshakable though, as by Saturday night he was confidently forecasting that neither Munster nor Ulster would get out of their groups. Both were yesterday’s people, just making up the numbers.

“They’ve no midfield, they’ve a scrum in disarray and if Flannery doesn’t come back they’ve no lineout,” he said of Munster. Apart from that they’re grand, if you exclude the Jean de Villiers’ issue. I don’t know what they paid the money for. They bought a family car when they needed a motor racer.”

“A motor racer,” asked a puzzled Brent Pope. “You mean a sports car?”

“Yeah,” said George, “they got a Lada when they needed an MG.”

Now, to be honest, not knowing anything about cars, we kind of assumed he was talking about a Machine Gun, which is what we’d quite like to use on the Stade Francais lad who “made contact with the eyes” of Stephen Ferris. It’s a bit like describing Tiger as “socially active” – in plainer English, it’s “gouged”.

“This has to stop in rugby football, doesn’t it?” asked Tom McGurk.

“But you can’t just accuse the dastardly French,” George replied, maintaining the theme he’d kicked off earlier when scundering Brian O’Driscoll for a high tackle against Scarlets.

“I think we’re in danger of being jingoistic – if an Irishman does it it’s okay, if a foreigner does it it’s bad,” he’d said. Sweet. So next time an Irishman clearly “makes contact” with the eyes of even a fellow Irishman we’ll get a bit of condemnation? Good stuff.

Not that Stuart Barnes cared about any of these issues over the weekend: he was too busy recovering from his ordeal trying to make it from London to Thomond Park. He was supposed to take off at 10am, but was delayed until 5.30pm.

“If the Perpignan midfield have as many problems with the Munster defence as we had with Aer Lingus getting on that plane, they’re in trouble. It was a hell of a journey,” he said.

If he’d hitched a lift from Hayley Yelling he’d have been there in no time.

“ Peter had tried to convince Jerry that Hayley and Tetyana Holovchenko, as former winners of the race, “still had to be considered a threat”, but Jerry was having absolutely none of it. “I wouldn’t agree, I think they’re yesterday’s people,” he said. “They’re here and they’re making up the numbers