England retreat to lick their wounds

THE England squad fly to New Zealand today for the second leg of their winter tour. Following one of the most embarrassing defeats in England's history, the players must wish they could return to their homes, turn on the heating, shut the curtains and neat emerge until May.

Come to think of it, they might as well give the Australians a miss as well and not reappear until September.

Eddo Brandes bowled magnificently to take 5 for 28 from his 10 overs, a spell that included the second hat trick of his career, but England's batsmen simply lacked the tenacity to cope on a pitch Zimbabwe had used to build their highest one day score against England.

Before the match, England's coach David Lloyd had said that playing for England should be like fighting in the trenches. He was right. It is. And the players are suffering from shell shock.

Coach and captain, however, are determined not to surrender. Asked about his future as captain, Mike Atherton said: "We are halfway through the winter tour. I have been appointed until the end of the winter and I have a job to do. Ask me again at the end of the tour".

Lloyd, who could make the end of the world seem like a good thing, was even more upbeat: "We will not be down. We cannot afford to be. We will regroup, replan and come again with confidence". It was back to trenches again.

In real life, Eddo Brandes farms chickens. Against England he was dealing in ducks. After Knight was caught down the leg side from the final ball of his second over, he completed the hat trick in his next over by having Crawley lbw first ball and then producing what he modestly described as a "magnificent jaffa" to account for Hussain. Andy Flowers' diving catch was every bit as good as the delivery.

Alec Stewart, along with Atherton, hinted at a recovery, but there was no respite as Zimbabwe's captain, Alistair Campbell, kept Brandes going. In his eighth over, Stewart gave Flower the third of his five catches in his ninth, umpire Ian Robinson adjudged that Atherton had edged a ball that had turned him round.

It did not look an awful decision but Atherton waited, then stared at the umpire, before dragging himself from the crease.

During Zimbabwe's innings, Campbell was given not out by Robinson when he had scored eight, despite clearly deflecting a catch to Stewart off the inside edge. Campbell went on to make an unbeaten 80.

A ninth wicket stand of 41, between Robert Croft and Alan Mull ally, ensured that England avoided their heaviest one day defeat batting second (165 runs by the West Indies in St Vincent in 1994) and their lowest one day total (93 against Australia at Headingley in 1975). But by then the game had taken on the feel of a practice match.

There were indications early in the day that England were heading for another humiliation.

Zimbabwe reached 181 for 2 by the 38th over before England were able to exert any pressure. Three wickets fell for nine runs in 16 balls but Houghton, Strang and Campbell all cleared the rope in the closing overs to ensure that the earlier good work was not wasted. On a goodish pitch, they could not have possibly realised then that their score of 249 for 7 would be wasted on England.